You said to meet here but you never come...

i wanna leave tis world.. i realli feel like dying.. can i just die.. can i.. i should haf eaten the 18 panadol pills that day.. so i wun feel the pain till todae.. i should haf did that 3 weeks ago.. so i no need to suffer for the past 3 weeks so long n i no need to suffer anymore.. i'm still suffering.. i'm living for everyone sake.. i'm living for the sake of my family for the sake of u for the sake of my friends.. can i be selfish.. can i die for the sake for myself.. can i just be selfish tis time.. can i.. can i just be selfish.. i realli wanna be selfish n hope i can be selfish tis time.. i'm suffering so much for wat.. wat m i living for.. i studying so hard for myself or i'm just studying for my family.. i suffering so much for wat.. i'm feeling all tis pain for wat... y do i haf to go thru' tis all over again.. can i just leave tis world.. i realli dun wan to stay in this world.. i realli dun wan.. i dun wan.. i just wanna leave.. sometime i realli hope i'm not that stubborn or devoted or silly.. can i just go away.. can i just let go n move on... can i just leave tis place n dun come back again.. i wanna leave tis world.. i realli wan to.. i wanna go to the world that i love u no more.. go to a world that there is no u.. go to a world that there is no love no pain no suffering.. can i just go to that world.. even if it is hell.. i guess it will be better than now.. i dun wish to go heaven but can i just leave tis world.. everything is lie there is nth that is true.. everything said is for the sake of some reasons but is for selfish reason... lie n more lie.. everything is just LIES.. millions of lies.. till now there is still lies.. i dun wanna live in tis world.. i dun wan to.. i wanna leave.. i wanna go to somewhere else.. i just wanna be selfish for just another time.. can i just leave here.. leave everything here.. can i just go to another side of the world.. can i.. i rather i have never get out frm the black hole that u pulled mi out from n i can stay there forever.. i'm out from the hole to see the world but i was being push back into the hole.. deeper in n deeply injuried.. i dun wanna come out from it anymore.. i realli hope i didn't climb out of the hole for u n see the world.. i rather i didn't come out so i no need to fell again.. i dun wan to.. i just wanna be alone.. away from everything else.. away from u.. away from my family away from my friends.. away from everything in tis world.. i just wanna leave.. i just wanna leave... everything does not exist.. once a lie is told.. more lies are used to cover it.. everything is just a lie to mi.. nth exist in tis world.. i dun exist to tis world.. i shouldn't b here.. shouldn't be.. i should be in hell.. at least suffer for a reason.. at least nt in the world that is worst than hell.. 生不如死.. i hate everything.. everything everything.. i realli defeated le.. i dun wanna go for anything else le.. i dun wan anything le.. i just wanna leave.. i realli 投降.. i dun wan to carry on fighting le.. i cant fight on anymore.. i just wanna leave tis n go to somewhere else where i no need to fight for the things i wan.. coz i wun wan anything anymore.. when u fight so hard for the stuff u wan n wanna keep it by ur side.. the next moment u will scare u will lose it.. so best is dun wan anything n dun need to fight for it n no need to wry that u will lose it.. i totally lost le.. i dun wanna fight anymore.. i jus wanna leave... and leave forever.. whether i make it anot.. whether i wanna live anot.. let myself decide.. i dun wanna live for others anymore.. i dun wanna stay alive for u.. i dun wanna stay alive for my family.. i dun wanna stay alive for my friends.. if i wana live on.. is live on for myself.. everything is lies.. y must i stay alive to get hurt n suffer while u r looking forward to the next chapter of ur life.. u already found the new chapter of ur life.. everything is just LIES.. who will suffer coz of guilt that he hurt some1.. is just nice words.. the one who is looking forward to be with someone else.. can the one be suffering.. everything is just lies.. everything sae to make the other half feel better n to make one self sound noble n being forced for that decision.. everything is just lies.. it is to make one self feel better.. the meaning of all of them haf no meaning.. is just sae for the sake of saying.. there is no one that is noble or is not selfish.. every1 is selfish.. so can i be selfish now.. just leave tis world.. whether i die or nv die oso make no different.. i hear tis quite a few time.. most people sae that.. the earth wun stop spin when some1 die.. 少了我，地球还是会一样继续旋转，不会因为少了谁而停止转动.. "who cares" "早死早好" "死了，我也不会伤心我也不会为你哭" i heard these phases in my life more than a couple of times.. i heard it since years ago but recently it keep appearing in my mind.. i'm just too useless le.. haiz.. mayb i shouldn't haf been born.. i shouldn't haf appear in the world in this planet.. it will be better for everyone including my family, u n myself.. it will be the ideal case.. no troubles for everyone.. no pains for anyone..

.+. You and Me .+.

Before I met you,
I was badly hurt from relationships that fell apart,
I didn't wanna live no more
I just wanted an end,
I thought nothing could cure me,
My heart would never mend.
You walked into my problems
and made them go away,
I didn't wanna be with you,
'Cause I thought you'd hurt me someday.
I gave you a chance to see if that was true,
But something was different and you were something new.
Now, I know what your love is truly about,
your sweet, honest, and loveable,
something I can't live without.
I hope that this love will last,
Because you know I'll always love you,
I hope we'll never part,
because I know you love me too...

QuOtEs

"If you are willing to trust in a person when all others tell you to go against it,
if you are willing to risk getting your heart broken because you believe in that other person,
Then that is true love."

"Two people can just be friends,
but at one point or another,
one of them will fall for the other.
Maybe temporarily,
maybe at the wrong time,
maybe too late,
or maybe forever!"

You said to meet here but you never come...
I never could`ve seen this far
I never could have seen this coming
It seems like my world is falling apart, Yeah
Why is everything so hard
I don't think that I can deal with the things you said
It just won't go away

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through, Yeah
I wish that I could bring you back
I wish that I could turn back time
Cuz I can't let go
I just can't find my way, Yeah
Without you I just can't find my way

I don't know what I should do now
I don't know where I should go
I'm still here waiting for you
I'm lost when you are not around
I need to hold on to you
I just can't let you go

blogskin is meaningful.. represent my feeling at different times of my life.. but none can represent wat is the internal feeling tt i have now.. none will.. i hate everything.. everything... i hate myself most.. "yenwei u can just go n die".. sound familiar but why didn't i do that long agO.. long before i go thru' tis dying period again.. i should haf go n die tt time when i'm young when someone told mi that.. i should haf die by then.. should haf.. got people told mi before i live in this world for wat.. go n die better.. i should haf die that time when she told mi to go n die.. should go n die.. is it too late to die.. haa.. is just having the pills as sweet rite.. late is better than never.. looking at the mirror.. that person ask mi wake up.. either wake up n move on if not just go n die better la.. dun waste ppl money time n effort.. save others the trouble.. i'm tired le.. i just wanna leave.. just as u r tired n wanna leave.. i'm also tired.. i oso just wanna leave.. just wanna leave... but we leave in 2 different ways.. i wanna leave tis world.. i realli feel like taking pills as sweets coz i noe aft that i wun feel any bitter taste anymore.. not at all.. it might not be sweet aft that but at least it wun be bitter n painful anymore.. slping peacefully is wat i wish i can haf aft weeks of not being able to slp properly.. sleeping is wat everyone hope can haf time for tt but everyone wanna wake up aft a slp.. but i dun wanna wake up anymore.. i wanna sleep forever.. i dun wanna wake up n be back in tis world tt i hate.. i hate everything.. everything includee myself..


4 days to 1st exam paper. 14 days to last exam paper.
17 more days of toughness n pains here... how long more can i endure tis pains? haiz..