the problem lies with me..

angry..? nope.. definitely not angry or piss off.. is more of sad and disappointed.. yes.. i like to grumble n complain and nag.. other than complains, i cant do anythings else.. or mayb i should just shut up.. i feel so yuan wang.. it was just a normal conversation when i complain things that i cant do.. end up.. making ppl lost their temper on me.. guess is my fault ba.. for complaining things again and again and again.. always on similar issue over n over again.. take it as my fault ok.. i wun wanna go KL or Genting with u.. what for i spent my money on places that i go before le.. and i doubt i go there i will feel like a holiday.. just dun go for any holiday ba.. and i got the super strong feeling if we 2 go for a short holiday. we confirm will quarrel de.. so might as well dun go ba.. i prefer to save that money for some diving trip or places that i feel more worth it ba.. whether or not u learnt diving, i wun pressure u anymore.. u dun learn then i just go dive with others.. u learn we can dive together.. so it doesnt matter to me..

as for the issue of always repeating the same issues to complain on.. sometime it does mean it really affect me.. as for this road trip or holiday.. i can only complain.. other than that i cant do anything and u know it best that i'm just complaining n i definitely wun stop u for going.. but dunno what is the reason, or maybe u tahan for too long liao. this time u just lost ur cool and mayb i stress u too much.. or mayb i didnt realise i'm stressing you.. so now i can let u know.. i dun wan/wish to go KL or Genting with u when u are back coz i will be going there in 1 week plus time.. u can say i just stubborn or what.. is my fault.. mayb i expected too much.. u say wanna go holiday with me i just look for different locations to go.. but i guess in the end, i will give it a miss.. i nv say is ur fault to go to NZ without me and u know very well that at that point of time, my passport dun allow me to go to NZ frm australia as i can only go back SG with that soon to expired passport. so u carry on with ur plan of NZ so i can plan my own activities. to be frank, at that point of time of ur NZ trip, i wasnt into ur life/mind. sometime i feel that u are selfish too.. come to think of that time, u didnt wanna commit but u still wanna give me hope and ask me dun give up on u.. but when am i important in ur life..? or when it starting..? or did it start..?

yes.. i always complain about the ways u treat ur friends and me.. maybe is coincidence.. it just happened to be u going out more with them than me.. so now come back to the issue of repeating.. which girlfriend can be so understand to the extend that her boyfriend seldom has time for her.. i know study is ur main focus and i wun complain on that coz i know that is the main purpose of our life at that point of time.. what about ask yourselves.. "How often or how much time you spend with me as a couple in a week or maybe a month?" is bcoz i stay at ur hse and u think that is counted as company.. ok.. that can be company.. but with u studying and i try to get myself busy with facebook and games coz u are studying.. i dun blame that.. but other than that.. what else or where else did we do or go.. i know u are a student so the time u spent on ur studies i cant fight for that.. but when u are free, i must be free.. just like when u wanna commit then i must be there.. sometime i just feel i must suit ur life ur timing.. i dunno.. i just feel very heartache now.. is all started with my sms to u to ask how is ur day/holiday.. now.. i feel so sad.. i nv tell u before.. yes.. is i like u first but u didnt like me at that point of time.. but when i wanna leave and go off.. u come to me n tell me dun give up on u and give u more time.. and i gave u plenty or more than enough time.. i say u are selfish in the sense that u get hold of the person that like u but u dun commit but u dun wanna let go.. then she choose to stay put there to wait for u.. u still need her to push u.. sometime it just makes me wonder, why do u ask me to be ur girlfriend..? is it because of peer pressure or is it because u wan someone to be beside/behind u.. but sometime.. i just dun feel ur initiative and ur commitment to me.. or maybe.. is i expect too much from u.. or maybe.. i just feel neglected coz our r/s have been this way always.. we nv go dating as a normal couple bcoz we passed by that stage during the "ai mei" period.. or mayb.. during that period, we also nv really go out much..

another thing is.. i dun mind waiting.. but can i dun be always the silly one that wait and wait.. how long have i waited.. how much time i have spend waiting.. wait for ur assignments to submit to have more time for me.. wait for u to come home and eat dinner with me.. wait for u to finish study for the night to have few more minutes to talk to me just before u dozed off when chatting.. wait for ur exams to be over to have more time for me.. wait for u to feel to commit.. i dun mind waiting.. but can it at least make me feel the waiting is worth it.. i nv said u dun loved me.. i can feel ur love.. but sometime.. that feeling is more of occasionally.. i know u wish to have more time for me.. but sometime.. i just feel ur words dun go with ur actions.. or maybe.. is back to me.. i expect too much.. or maybe.. is me who dunno how to handle relationship.. is me. who dunno how to express my thinking and feeling.. is me who cant communicate well.. is me.. who dunno how to be a understanding gentle and accommodating girlfriend.. is me.. who just want so much things that make the other person stress and pressure.. is me.. i know.. the problem lies with me..

so just take a break.. u enjoy ur holiday and me.. just work hard for my cash.. take care and good night..