i could only say after what i feel n see.. we aren't going to head anywhere.. with the rate that u set for yourself, just for yourself.. i can't slow down to suit you.. after so long, what i heard are still "need time", "i'm trying", "at least i try although progress is slow".. i dont know.. till now, i still feel u are still thinking n caring for yourself more.. i'm tired with the push, the nag.. i really don't know how.. u are not that "much want it" than me.. so u are taking own sweet time.. as for me, if u aren't so, then let's not waste time.. wasted too much and at the end of the day, we are back to square one..

i used to have everything that i want.. friends, boyfriend, family, life, enjoyment, work with money, happiness.. i lost all coz i was confused with what i wanted in life when actually they were already in place for me without me realising the importance until i lost almost everything.. i know very well what i need in my life.. i cant let go of principles, my aims in life for u.. first thing first u didnt prove n show that u worth it.. i gave u as much as i cant but u make me take back as much as i can soon too.. since u aren't behaving as a mature n grown-up n don't like to deal with situations n stuff.. let me take the decision for u.. i'm selfish this time round again..

i can't live a life now.. feeling the ache in my heart whenever i think of what i have lost n what did i even gain in this one year of my last r/s.. u blamed me for things which u u dont even understand what i'm telling u.. i hint, i tell u subtly.. i do everything but in the end, u still think that i'm forcing u to do things u dont like but nv even think of what is my point behind my words, what i really mean.. i'm disappointed.. after so much of "1-way" communication from me to u.. u still dont understand what i mean.. i'm tired already. u are a grown-up.. i'm one too.. i'm tired of need to care, worry u like a "kid" of u forgetting this, doing wrong things.. i need a person who can take care of me, take good care of me.. i explained to u why it shouldnt be that way, i even tell u what to do but in the end of the day, u refused to do it.. so when i tell u again, u ask me what u should do.. didn't i tell u already, why u dont take my words in heart.. u hate ppl telling u what is right n what is wrong n ask u to do what n not to do what.. but u don't even know how to draw a line in most of the things.. how u expect me to even feel that u are trustable n dependable..

the issue that we have since day 1 isn't resolved at all.. why? u should know the reason very well.. i'm tired already.. find somebody who can accept u fully as u are n dont expect u to change or improve yourself... find somebody who can accept ur way of like rather than love, ur way of 'expressing' ur like.. your way of thinking n etc.. we just cant work out.. you are so calculative in r/s with the giving n taking.. this is a tired r/s.. making each other have bad day. instead of giving more, i take back most so that i won't be giving too much since u refuse to give that much.. n feel like if i want you to do something, i must do it back to u too.. everything is like a 1-to-1 calculation.. this isn't a r/s at all.. u refused to learn to have a good r/s.. stop giving me excuses that u aren't experience or good with it.. i give u time to learn.. i tell u what we should emphasize on.. like communicate, sharing to understand each other more.. told u how it should minimally be like for a r/s.. how should we treat each other.. after times n times u asked for, somehow u feel complacent abt us.. i have a limit for tolerance.. i gave u more than enough time but in the end u feel forced to behaving in a certain way.. well, in this case... why not force each other anymore.. i cant accept not even having most of the minimum thing in a r/s that should have. u are trying to make sure that u didn't change (which u refuse to) and thinking of "compromising" so in this case. u can still be what u are in the past.. since u cant give more so i also dont give much at all.. what a weird n unhealthy r/s it will be..

i already dont know what more i can do to it already. i feel i really tried my best already.. i dont know how to make u think less individually, think more mature.. i dont know how to communicate with u as it is always a 1-way conversation.. even if u intend to share, u give min. details and expect me to keep probing u, which i find it kind of irritated that u cant say a full sentence with details.. u tell me is a grown up habit of yours so when u tell ppl thing, u just say the surface without any explanation.. n u expect me to understand u. without background knowledge and out of nowhere and think that i can link what u are talking abt.. i really dont know what u want.. or maybe i should say u feel comfortable having someone taking care of u n yet on ur side not needing to put in too much.. i dont know what u want from  the way u are acting and thinking.. i already cant do anything on my part already.. i cant see from ur action how much u really want things to work out fine between us.. the longer it drags, the not-strong-foundation will collapse anytime.. as time drags, the heart turns cold with the sight n feel.. u hate pressure but u dont even push yourself hard enough.. i'm speechless at times.. sometime i can just close one eyes n pretend is alright. but time after time, u make me feel unworthy.. u make me feel that i cant be the reason for u to improve, to be a better person.. u make me feel that i wasn't the one that can make u a better person, that u can go all out for.. at the end of the day, u make me doubt u.. that 'like' of yours for me cant never reach the stage of 'love'.. i guess what i wish from u is what a person will do n change for the person he/she love.. but i'm not in your case..

i told u i didnt compare but there are some basic things that should be present in r/s.. although u company me always but i feel empty.. empty in the heart.. i feel we aren't connect.. maybe what i wanted is really too much to ask for.. but i guess i m looking for a person who love as much as i do and we are align with our mindset and approach.. character may differ but at least there is a common target and goals that we want to reach it so badly.. this i think must be common.. if different path, different values, different goals.. is just like 2 parallel lines.. shouldn't cross and will not cross each other path in the future.. yes, i'm looking far.. i want a future.. i know very much now what i want.. chances n times can be given but not always n for too long.. sometime but one has tried that hard, he/she will just give up..