RANT RANT RANT..!!

today I have mood swing again.. haiz.. sometime i just get very emotional.. dun ask me what's wrong, i also don't know what wrong.. am i angry with you? or disappointed? or sad? i just dunno.. i know i shouldn't complain.. compare to others, i am fortunate to have someone special there for me.. but then.. some time i just feel.. you weren't there at all.. you are always busy with your stuff and i know i must be understand coz you are a student.. studies are obvious more important.. but can i be selfish abit.. we rarely go out.. you rarely have time for me except maybe dinner time (only if you have time for dinner) or maybe just before you go to sleep, maybe just that 15-20 mins before you fall into deep sleep..

i always complain you dun have time for me..but i know on the other hand i must be understanding coz i know you are this kind of person.but sometime sometime, i really hope you can do something special or maybe surprise me once in a very very long while.. i nv ask you go out dating with me coz i know you got no time.i nv ask you out for movie or dinner coz i know even though i ask, i know what is the reply..sometime or most of the time, i'm just waiting.. waiting for you to be back.. but sometime when you are back, i also dunno what's the feeling.. just like one or few of our friends mention, only i can stand you.. only i can take it that my boyfriend (you) for not having time for me.. actually, i cant stand it also.. but i know i need to be a good girlfriend.. be understanding and not demanding so much time from you coz you rarely have time... haiz.. dun ask me what's wrong or what i'm feeling.. i really dunno.. just very confused of my feeling..

you are not a romantic guy.. you are also not those that understand words with underlining meaning.. you also dun get hints.. you also dun take notes of details and pay attentions to special stuff.. so what kind of guy are you..? i did ask myself.. we all know you are those rational guy who only promise things that you know you can do.. but have you ever realise you never make any promise to me.. that why i know i never ask you to do stuff, i rather depend on myself.. not promising things that you can't do is a good point.. but sometime, i just feel that our relationship lack of something.. i dunno what is it.. comparing all the couples that we both know, we know you are like none of them, that make it you.. but sometime a girlfriend will hope her boyfriend to be speical.. you dun sweet talk. you dun buy small little gift. you dun get my hint at times. you dun spend much time with me. you dun do special little gift. you dun promise me anything.

i know you might think that by saying these do i mean that there is nothing good about you. of course NOT..!!  i know you are a good guy. i know your good point but sometime  i do hope you could be better.. or maybe i shouldn't be that demanding.. or maybe is just that now i'm too bored, that's why i feel it this way. i don't know.. whatever it is, this entry is just for me to rant.. it just for me to say out what i'm feeling coz i know i'm not very good in expressing my feeling and emotions and i know i might lose my temper when trying to explain things to you. is not that i'm impatience is just that sometime things can be express clearly with words you know.. sometime i do hope you can understand my feelings just by a few words and not asking me to express myself coz i just cant.. i do hope you could be like my friends that could understand my thinking and feeling without repeatedly asking me the same question like "what's wrong" coz i really cant explain.. i know it takes time for one to understand one emotion and feeling.. but i really hope soon you understand me and i hope i will understand you too...

darling, i still love you.. is just that sometime i get very pissed off with myself for not being able to convey my message and the meaning that i want to tell you or maybe i just very pissed off or disappointed why you just dun understand what i'm trying to tell you.. that is why i lose my temper with you cause as my boyfriend, you should understand me much more better than anyone except my close friends like shuting n janice.. so the next time i lost my temper it might be because i am angry with myself not being able to express my thoughts to you or maybe it could be really you who make mi angry.. cause if i keep trying to tell you the same thing over and over again.. then i just cant understand why you cant understand what i'm trying to say.. i know i need to be patience with you coz you still don't get my message or meaning everytime.. hopefully in the near future you will get it..

ok.. enough of my ranting, time to bath.. and i'm feeling much better after typing all these out but i don't know when will you see this.. but dont be angry. i'm not wrong this to complain about you.. i'm just trying to let myself see things in 2 different sides.. i wan to be a understanding girlfriend but on the other hand, i wan to be selfish at times too =x that is why i can be angry with myself coz when i wanna be selfish, the understanding me know that is my own fault so i shouldn't be angry.. but when i am understanding, the selfish me will ask why shouldn't i be selfish.. sigh.. it is just contradicting..