this morning, i woke up.. in a depression mood.. i don't know why and how.. but i woke up, i just felt sucky.. what's wrong with me or my life.. i thought i don't feel that lost anymore.. or is it that i forced myself to accept the fact that just study and work.. i'm not in the mood of studying.. not at all.. i feel like giving up on every single things.. it felt life is so tough now.. i don't want to depend or rely on ppl.. i thought i could be so well off being like this.. i'm not as strong as i thought i am.. recently, i'm starting to bring personal emotions to work already.. i cant give the don't care, forever cheerful or smiley face and attitude.. trying to suppress myself, i want my working image to remain and with no personal emotions into it.. what's missing, why it doesn't feel right about my life now.. or is there something extra, maybe i shouldn't even be studying.. i don't know.. i really don't know.. kind of hate my life.. feel my life is so sucky esp. at this age of 25 yrs old when i should more or less working toward a life i want. and maybe have some accomplishments for the past 25 yrs.. i just feel useless and i wasted 25 yrs of living in this world..

i think i need counseling. if not sooner or later, i will lost myself. the balance i need to have in work n in life.. when i was more childish, i always think ending life ends misery.. or when i cant think of any other solution and i feel stuck and no other way to go, i always think that's the way to go.. what a mindset i have right..