everytime i see the profile, 心中就會有一種怪怪的感覺，一種我不知道該怎麼形容... i'm telling myself not to go see that profile, is time to really leave it as it is.. life still goes on when friends arent alot left.. busy with work if no activity after work will just go home n watch tv..

9 months, i guess sooner or later i will get use to that that my that group of friends are no longer in contact with each other.. no much friends but i will live with it.. i guess something can no longer b as in the past anymore.. got to move on.. work is busy.. somehow there isnt a day where i can say i finished my work.. it isnt that simple n easy but i got to work for my own future n to earn money to live.. exam results out next week friday. fail this, i will quit school cause i nv like doing things twice esp that i think i put in effort already. something just cnt be force, i understand this point..

these few weeks without school, life seems better n not so stress n tough.. my lymph nodes aren't acting up.. only know during exam that week, more n painful ones appeared, was thinking of seeing doctor after taiwan trip.. maybe the holiday with sufficient sleep, no stress and maybe healthier food (since i'm on plain diet during half of the trip due to diarrhea n slip&fall), when i'm back in sg, lymph nodes are not there.. monitor closely my condition coz i know the seriousness..

recently, i really feel like drinking. feel like have a drink n chill or whatever.. was thinking of giving myself n him a chance.. i decided to not contact you.. coz i know, with you ard, i can nv treat him fairly or nicely.. i will live in the past and be very temperamental to him.. i did think of asking you out for dinner whenever i drop by for my dental appt.. but i did afraid that my stand, mood n emotions might be affected if i see you.. i guess by minimum or no contact with you, i'm being fair to both ba.. i'm trying to live a life w/o you "affecting" me.. i cant expect anymore from you but i guess i am also trying not to expect too much from him.. i expect more from myself.. i also dont know how to take you out from my train of thoughts.. somehow, something will just lead me back to you.. even today a ice-cream dates with weiling and all, my conversation almost wanted to mention you but i paused.. i dont know how to continue.. i dont dare to mention you, i'm afraid of speaking abt you.. coz when i talk abt you, you will 'stay' in my mind for a very long time, which i know isn't that 'healthy' for me.. just like now, i cant get you off my mind.. i got to stop typing if not tmr when i wake up, i will be quite depressed and moody.. new day, new start.. be happy and think of other things =)