suddenly, so many people i know are engaged, getting ROM or having wedding..

while i look at my life, i gave away my happiness.. not because of anybody but myself..

“幸福” 這兩個字對我來說，變得好遙遠⋯⋯ i'm glad that people ard me are happy and blessed.. i really feel for them who are truly in love and being together with each other for the rest of their life.. while for me, i could only look at my life and learn from it.. it is tough, it is unbearable but i know i can get thru this one day and it will be soon.. so what if  i'm going to be alone forever, so be it. maybe it isn't my life to be someone's love/wife.. i can't live with a man/guy who doesn't love me nor i don't love him that much.. that isn't the kind of relationship i'm looking for.. i know i can only live with the man i love and love me.. many many time i told myself, i know what i can do and what i want.. i know i can give up many things for the one i love, i can accept him for who he is. i'm willing to change and get better for the good of both of us.. and the best point is, he feels the same as me and willing to change together to make the future possible, happier and blissful..

i know i put too much feeling into relationship but i'm emotional person yet can be rational at times.. i just need to be rational when i really need to or else, my life will get worse.. break off from who you feel is threatening u, who u feel u cant be happy with, who can't protect u and keep you by the side as much as u want.. jiayou.. i know i might not be able to find someone already.. but i shall be happy as i'm now..

don't tell me anything already. i dont want to know anymore.. u can never really change.. 所謂 江山易改，本性難移.... i gave u too many chances, thinking that u will really change and change for the good, but u also realise, even though u tried but u stop whenever i treat u good and u just become the normal u again.. i gave u more chances than i will ever give ppl thinking that mayb u need the times, maybe u just not use to it, maybe because u aren't that experiences.. but NOPE, those are all excuses that will let u not to changes. a person who love another person will be more than willing and really determine to change for the better of both parties. however, it wasn't for your case. you CAN NEVER really CHANGE..!! accept the fact. i can't accept you being like this, so I can't stay any longer, maybe is because i dont really love you too.. i feel like a fool trying to give u time n chances when in the end, it doesn't even help at all.. just leave, just go..

ohh well.. the knock at my head has become stronger n stronger and asking me to wake up. don't dream or live in illusion. i will be fine.. i'm great.. whatever happened i will just let me stay within me and carry to the coffin. i dont really like to talk much but i try to start conversation with u n make u share but somehow i feel like i'm begging u to share.. forget it.. i'm tired too.. trying to be a good partner.. trying to please ppl.. i was told by someone that i shouldn't be living my life to please people, they dont need me to. be happy and be who u are. whoever stay are those who accept u as u are..

happy inside, happy outside. this will make the day better.. although i might be lonely, bored, depressed and whatsoever emo and bad thing, i know i just need to get over with all these and start living my independent life. i did walk out from the past years ago. i believe i'm still strong enough to go thru this much worse memories (some parts).. just rmb the happy part and forget abt the sad, disappointing and angry part.. life will get better each day.. i know i can.. no friends, it doesn't matter.. i can be the emotion and introvert person who keeps things within me as i always do.. i know i will be able to handle this.. the past will stay as a past forever. how serious, hurtful, painful, i will rmb n remind myself nv to let myself go thru that ever again..