cried on n off for 45 mins with the tears that i can't really control.. another 15 mins after that to cool down n let the tear dried off.. i'm feeling depressed.. the moment i thought of my life.. the tear just keep rolling down.. my life is really, really not good.. i been thru' what i didnt ever thought will happen to me, which i know it will stay withe me for life.. my work life suck.. dont ask me why something i just cant mention or i might get blacklisted even though i feel unhappy at work.. my personal life worse.. i lost my interest in studies already.. i lost the target in my life.. i think i give up on searching for my love one or maybe i already missed that.. i used to always say i live for someone, i live for the one i love and who love me too.. now, i can't find the love already.. the thing that has company me thru the past few years are missing already.. the one that i always loooking forwards to in my life, is missing.. i need to find another thing to live for.. ppl always tell me live for yourself but somehow in the past, live for someone u love n love u feels great.. love make me feel alive n wanting to spend every single day with the lover and waking up with him by your side to cuddle u and u know u have each other in your life..

now, i don't have that.. i suppressed some of my feeling n thoughts, my emotions in day to day life and now i feel very tired and i can't control them anymore.. but aft the cry in the car with the rain and peaceful moment.. i know, love doesn't exist for me already.. time to move on, to search for other stuff to live for n work towards.. be strong, be independent.

i'm fine being alone.. i was able to go thru that in 2 years of my poly life.. i will be able to do it now too.. love only when the right one comes.. the others, withdraw all the feeling n emotions.. some wrong one can be worth the tear to learn how to love better but some are just wrong n still insist on the mistake.. enough of that.. dont ever rely on someone who cant even handle his own stuff.. dont even invest any feeling on that when the more u give, the more hurt u will get.. nobody will ever appreciate that..

the biggest regret in my 25 years old life... regrets that will be bring to coffin with me...