Recently i made the decision and also some actions with agitation from people around.. I am no longer befriend with my used to be super good n close friend.. A friend that we shared half of secondary, full of poly as well as part of uni and after that.. However, after a breakup with my ex, things just went different.. Double date will not be possible. Meeting up are rare as she will mostly be with her bf n his friends (that imcludes my ex).. Things become worse when i feel she isn't like my Friend anymore.. She doesn't care with the man i choose was good or bad guy, i can't tell her abt my problems coz she didn't agree with my decision to break up with my ex and ended up with my current.. Even when meeting up, i can't talk much to her.  CoZ i know if i tell her abt my r/s problems, she will put it like it was my decision, so i kinda deserved whichever comes, whether is good or bad.. When she occasionally asked me out to join the grp gatherings with her bf n my ex's grp of friends, i can feel the awkwardness, not that I'm not in talking terms with those group n my ex.. It is just that I'm like there to make up headcount.. They talk abt things i can't be involved or already involved.. Their past meetings, their planned holidays etc.. I feel so out of place.. Even those meetUp i am asked at the last minute, they planned long ago.. So, i doubt the sincerity.. I can nv be open in front of my used to be best friend..

And ya,, her wedding was just recent. She invited me long ago n weeks before her wedding she asked again.. I told her i can't cfm, actually is i don't feel like going. I dont feel the joy for her anymore. She is like a stranger to me.. I don't wanna meet those groups of friends or used to be friends. I wanna leave all of them out of my life n memories.. They make me sad, i wanna start afresh n be happy. I gave her my home address but till the day before her wedding, i nv received the invitation card, so i sssume she isn't inviting me to go.. Nv received any msg abt the dinner details.. So i assume, she found a replacement.. I didn't wanna ask her if i still have to attend, but i posted on Facebook to tell her abt me cfm not going since no invitation card.. Then on The actual wedding dinner morning, i posted something similar on Facebook to make myself feel better n strong reason that we are no longer close anymore.. Only ppl who knows the real thing will comment but there shouldn't be any like.. Guess what, the sisters n brothers started to like my status one after another.. It feels like is intentional, feels kind of sarcastic.. Can imagine they are gathering n asking each other to go "like" my status.. It cant be on not purpose.. I can feel more "like" coming n will make me more unhappy n be treated like a dumb fool, i made a decision.. A decision i have nv do it before in such a Large scale.. I unfriend the whole gang of tjem.. I don't want to be treat line a fool.. U can be close as you want but I'm not. Have u ever stand on my stand to understand me.. I always treat friends more important than family yet that's the way I'm treated.. U know how I feel when u guys kept talking abt common past trips or outings, it makes me feel even more left out. I don't like to be neglected with ppl I'm taking importance of.. But it appears, I'm not that important atvall.. In order not to be unhappy n be hurt by the harsh words/actions, I'm quitting. Quitting the friendship we shared, quitting the closeness we used to share, quitting the possible hurts from you n ur bros n sis..

Nevertheless, I'm still thankful for what you have done in the past during my hard times, especially the days i feel like dying.. I know you care for me, but we can't be like the past anymore.. You got your own grp of close friends. I can't get in so I'm going out.. I wanna lead a life without those unhappy memories.. I needed you most when i realised, you weren't my besties anymore. I don't know how but i wish i can leave this country and never return..

I know I'm at fault but so are you n the bros n sis.. They agitated n catalysed our friendship to end, a real end.. To a stage that i no longer wanna msg or meet anyone of you, including all our shared common friends.. I might have no more friends but i m getting use to it. I rather be alone than to expect more n in the end, be hurt by ppl that i tot we could last forever.. Don't worry. I wont appear in common gatherings, including those uni grp of friends who are actually more of my ex friends. They aren't closed to me since I'm not invited for much gatherings after the broke up.. I will be cleaning up the friend list soon.. I m tired of all these sadness i have gone thru.. Depression, do you even care abt me being depress, u didn't.. I can't tell u my problems, i have no close friends that i can have heart to heart talk with n it got so bad that i got to seek professional help.. Counsellor was once the person i could tell all my problems to, including our problems.. But now, it seems like i need to seek the professional for diagnosis.. Depression, please leave me alone. Having no.close friends doesn't mean i need you...