a NigHt & a dEcIsiOn cHaNgE mY LifE..

...The 16th day without dear dear by my side...
没有你在身边的第 16 天


i realli dunno how le.. over a night everything changed.. change without signs or maybe there is but is just that i too into it that i nv realise.. i alwayz thought we can last.. i realli thought this time will work out coz i already make up my mind my heart even my body to change.. they change for u.. change for u so that we can haf less arguement change for u so that we will work out well in the future.. future.. now it seems far far away.. i dunno should sae i'm disppointed with myself or should sae i hate myself.. i always let my emotions control mi.. i cant rmb when is the time i cry so badly n cry for so long.. i got nowhere to go except my room.. as everyone noe when u r alone u will start thinking... especially my room make mi feel very lonely.. i'm a lonely person.. i'm not like others who r in good relationship with their family.. now is not like poly life le.. my friends are working studying.. they cant be like last time talk on phone with mi when i'm sad.. now even worse.. i lose the one that i love most the one that i always put my hope onto.. the one that i noe who will support mi n push mi when i'm slacking.. but now there is no one le.. i realli left with NO ONE.. i back to the life of being alone.. n this time is totally alone.. alone without my close friends with mi.. alone without any hope.. alone in my room.. crying alone in my room.. i realli dunno how to let go n i DON'T WANNA LET GO.. u noe how deeply i LOVE you anot.. u r the 1st guy that make mi feel LOVED.. make mi LOVE someone so deeply.. i nv noe that my LOVE for u develop till so deeply.. deeper than i can control.. bcoz the LOVE is DEEP so the HURT is DEEP.. seriously speaking.. how can a ger just fall out of LOVE be normal.. be able to study well.. be able to talk.. be able to laugh n smile.. sorry i cant.. u r realli my laughter my smile my sun.. u r my onli hope.. the onli one out there to support mi.. but now u choose to leave mi.. dear.. u sae u r very tired.. u wanna take some rest.. ask mi to treat it as a cool down time.. but to u u treat it as a break.. i realli dunno what u wan.. i noe leaving mi make u feel better n feel more relax.. but what u wan from mi.. study hard? i also wan ar.. i tell shuting then she sae how can i study hard like this.. i doubt onli those who choose to break up de can study hard but those who kena stunned by that will not be able ba.. my exam is realli coming.. u realli pull mi down.. i fell very hard.. it realli hurt mi alot alot.. u noe i have been looking forward to go home coz i can see u.. i'm looking forward to christmas to be with u coz we missed our 1st christmas.. u even ask mi when i'm returning to australia then i tell u 20th feb then u sae "still can celebrate Valentine day".. but the next day u tell mi u wanna break.. graduation u will come.. everything just become a lie to make mi feel happie.. i choose to come back on 20th feb coz i realli hope we can spend our valentine day together.. y from the start u already make the decision u still wanna tell mi all this..

u noe u r my everything.. the one to push mi further.. push mi to get better result.. push mi to play better netball.. push mi to look forward to every NEW day.. u r my one n only motivation to move forward.. u r my motivation to study hard for exam then can go back singapore n be with u.. i realli thought u will wait for mi.. i realli thought this time will be different.. i realli thought u will be able to feel the differences in mi n that make u more in love with mi.. but is opposite.. bcoz of mi becoming better u decided not to lie to mi le.. u decided to do wat u wanted to do 2 week ago.. but y this 2 weeks u realli make mi feel xing fu even though we not together side by side.. u make mi realise that i can change for u de.. u make mi realise that when a person love someone he/she is willing to change for the other person just to be with the person n make the person happy.. u make mi realise all this.. u make mi changes for u.. but everything is not right.. or should i sae.. the TIME is WRONG.. i did too much things that make u hurt that watever things i do could not mend it.. i dunno how m i going to start all over again aft these 18 months.. u realli let go of mi le.. u realli let go of this 18 months of relationship.. i think i hurt u very badly to make u make such a decision.. but i can onli tell u.. i hurt u so badly.. i destroy ur life.. but it seems that a night can destroy mi thoroughly..

a night can make mi cry like nobody..
a night can make mi sit down in the room but my tear just flow..
a night realli change my whole life..
a night realli drop mi down so hard that it hurt mi damn seriously..
a night make mi from a happie n xing fu ger become a total nobody..
a decision make my heart ache.. i realli can feel the pain in the heart.. i guess is the deeper u love the more painful u feel..
a decision make mi lost all my hope my dreams my motivation..
a decision make mi lost all my direction..
a decision make mi realise how much i love u n how much i wanna be with u..
a decision make mi realise that i cant live without u..
a decision make mi realise that i'm the most lonely person.. u haf ur friends ur family but i haf nothing..
a decision make mi realise that i realli very naive to believe that i could spent my life with u..
a decision make mi realise that i'm so hopeless..
a decision make mi realise that i can onli accept the fact..
a decision make mi realise that i have to work hard (but it doesnt mean anything)
a decision changes my life totally..
a decision that tells mi i'm not a good girlfriend
a decision that tells mi i'm so selfish
a decision that tells mi that i had make u suffer alot alot..
a decision that tells mi alot alot of things..

but this decision is causing me to be sick.. is 心病.. i cant control it.. HEADACHE.. HEART ACHE.. FEEL LIKE VOMITING.. CANT GET TO SLEEP.. NEVER FEEL HUNGRY even NEVER EAT fOr 1 WHOLE dAY.. i realli dun wanna feel all this.. is realli very miserable.. i got no1 left le.. u r my everything.. the day u choose to leave mi.. i'm left with nothings.. i dun haf my family.. i dun haf my friends.. i have nothing n u have everything except 1 thing that u dun wan i.e me.. yesterday night i cannot forget.. u make mi noe that last time u patch with mi is i force u de.. u make mi noe alot of things that i dunno.. but a night realli changes my life.. i think i look sick that y michelle ask mi whether m i sick.. should i sae 心病.. where is my motivation where is my strength.. u took everything with u le.. i wanna work hard.. i want to.. but it is realli very difficult.. do u noe i realli think of doing silly things.. but i dun wan to hurt my family my friends n i dun wanna hurt u.. i dun wan bcoz of mi i make u feel worst.. 我真的很辛苦.. i realli cannot breathe le.. my heart ache is killing mi.. u always ask mi to grow up.. can my grow up dun be this kind.. i realli cannot take it le.. i realli cannot.. if i'm singapore maybe i can.. but i now in australia.. how u wan mi to deal with it.. how u wan mi to live my life.. how u wan mi to focus on my study.. with u i can focus my study but without u.. i cannot focus on anything.. break is break le.. that wat u tell mi.. then leave mi alone ba.. i cannot take it this way le.. u bring mi hopes.. u make mi wanna come australia to study.. but u took away my hope.. when i'm alone in australia.. i realli dunno how le.. i realli wanna give up but i noe i cannot.. how tough it is i also must hang on.. but what is the reason to hang on.. i have to hanging on for all 2 + 3 months is bcoz of u.. bcoz of u no matter how tough i oso hang on.. now.. how can i hang on..?


i realli feeling very sick now.. my headache is killing mi.. my heart ache is making it worse..

18 days to revision week. 27 days to 1st exam paper. 37 days to last exam paper.
40 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...
你还会等我吗？ 你会在等我吗？？