had a super long sms chat.. guess this was the longest sms chat that we had since so long.. checked out on me.. spoke some stuff and shared some thoughts.. i'm alright k.. need not worry about me.. i'm not that silly that will do any foolish things like the past.. not that i don't trust you or not wanting to share with you. just that i'm afraid.. i'm selfish. i know if i still keep close contact with you, i will make things difficult for us. i know you are still there for me.. still care for me.. i know when i need someone, u will be here just for me.. but i don't want that.. not because i don't trust you or feel uncomfortable.. but i'm just stubborn.. i want to and wish that being alone, i can make it through.. i know if i meet you.. i won't talk much though maybe i got lots of stuff to tell you, coz you know me more than others.. thank you.. i really appreciate that.. i don't know if i will still meet you.. i don't know if i can handle situation well.. i'm an emotional person at times but at times, i can be very rational and logical..


30 days of minimum or no contact start today.. it might seem kind of long as it is likes a month.. but maybe is too short to think about a lot of stuff.. let's see how things go from here.. anything can happen in this 1 month.. maybe after 1 month, one can be so clear of what is want and what is need.. one might realise that things aren't that important as thought/seen. one might realise which is more important and which is not.. one might move on with life..

oh well, i should not think so much.. work is getting tougher for me.. need plenty of rest and work is taking up too much of my personal time. i need a work life balance. but.. what's life for me..? hmm...
anyway.. goin to be october le.. is time for me to think about my studies plan.. will know the result of application on oct/nov.. i need to think if i am really going to take it or not.. i'm unsure.. sometime i just hope i got a crystall ball or someone to ask for an answer.. although i will ask questions on why should i do this and shouldn't do that.. coz i want to be convince and then do it full-heartedly.. so, what should i do..? should i continue to study if my application is successful, or should i not study yet as i'm unsure of what i want to do in my life..