i hate this christmas. i hate this festive season. i hate myself. i think i have already lost myself. i cant talk or speak out. i'm trapped within myself. i'm so negative. every morning i wake up i just felt so negative but i didnt show it out so it is even worse. i cant release my true emotions. why do i just feel like crying for this happy season..

i just feel like taking a long long break and just getaway and don't return to this seem familiar but feel unfamiliar place.. maybe i'm just waiting for my limit. waiting for that break-point. let's see if i could not breakdown and re-adjust my limit or to make myself positive again..

why do i feel so negative? is it really 1 negative thought will lead to many many more.. i feel so negative but i have to be positive in front of others.. this kind of contradicting emotions are making me feel worse. morning and night, only those i cant seem to tell or say emotions and thinking are shown in the room.. day time, work i got to be positive as is unprofessional to bring personal emotions to work and i know these few month is crucial for my future. even if i know and feel that i cant handle the amount of workload, i just bite my teeth and just get it down even if i feel very tired and will break soon..