don't have the hope that i will return.. please change n improve yourself for yourself and not to think that is a way to get me back.. i really hope u got mature and start planning your life for your own good and for the one who you will be together in the future..

this is the first time i'm firm in my stand and telling myself to not soften my heart anyway.. i know i can't live with you being like this.. i might close one eye now but some day i will just explode.. is not that i don't want to compromise.. but there is some basic things in r/s that should be there and not to ask for compromising on that.. i can't do it that way.. maybe i just don't love you that much to be able to accept u as you are.. if i really did, maybe i won't pick so much on you.. maybe it isn't your fault.. maybe is just me who know that you aren't the one for me but i kept trying and tell myself to give u and give us more chances and maybe soon, it will work out.. but somehow, after ample attempts. i start telling myself, we aren't heading anywhere.. maybe ur dad think u are ready, but we know u aren't.. we aren't ready for the next step.. we know it too well..

now, i can only tell u.. jiayou.. change for ur own good and for yourself.. change only if u think is necessary and u feel that u should.. don't change just because i say so.. don't change and feel forced, you won't be happy at the end of the day.. sorry if i hurt u.. sorry that i didn't stay long.. sorry that i decided to give up and walk my own life now.. u did want to not start at all but in the end we still started.. sorry to have caused all these.. i guess initially i thought we could really work out even though there was some issues on my side to settle my own feeling and forget abt the past.. thank you for not being harsh and expect me to forget and move on.. i know u didn't mind me having some other ppl in my heart.. coz u know my person is still at ur side.. but it isn't fair to u.. i told u i have moved on.. i put down.. i really did but i hide it deep down which i didn't want to touch it anymore.. coz somehow, it got to be hidden or i might get affected or use it to compare etc.. i tried to shift n focus on us.. i tried to tell myself that that love wont get anywhere anymore so i shift it.. i did really fall in love with u at some point of time.. but somehow it didn't last.. i guess it was a 2 way thing.. maybe i still like u, but i'm telling myself now to stop liking u or to even love u.. coz at the end of the day, we still won't be together.. feeling not that strong.. like but no love.. afraid of lot of things.. there are many many factors to us already.. too much for u to handle and want to solve them asap instead of leaving them as they are.. u have to start thinking, planning.. u have to be able to take care of urself, know what u want before u can have another person by your side.. now i leave u for the reason which u did disclaim before.. sigh.. i'm sorry.. i shouldn't have ask to start.. i shouldn't be afraid of loneliness and thinking that at least i have somebody to talk to, to rely on, to make me want to work hard for a future with together.. we have different plans.. different thinking and mindset.. we have different goals in life.. our timeline can't meet.. we aren't in the same boat.. some things i just want to make it right and want to solve and prevent misunderstanding but it doesnt seem for your case.. i don't know is u care less or u really doesn't mind.. we just don't have something in common to work together and work towards it.. maybe is i expect too much..

i did want to settle down and be there for u.. but somehow to you, settle down is to save u the trouble to making effort and not because u want to have me by your side and not that u are happy to stay with me for life.. this is something i can't accept.. sorry to make u afraid of me, afraid to share things with me, afraid of being frank with me, afraid of me scolding u if u say something i didn't like.. even though i told u i might sound like scolding n unhappy with certain things u tell me, but is because i care and affected by it.. why u want to do things that u know will be misunderstand n make me sad n not secure.. i told u my 'scolding" n nagging is just for that while and after that i will be okay.. but u will be afraid of me aft that.. how to continue a r/s with fear of such issue.. u are afraid of my character, u can't accept that actually i'm like that.. i can't accept u for everything i must tell u to what to do.. even if i tell u what to do n what not to do and with explanation etc, u still have ur own mindset n thinking of the reason of why me being like that.. is hurtful.. we can't be open with each other.. we can't accept each other as we are.. we can't accept/afraid/dislike of certain characters of ours..

i want a man who love me, really love me. a man who is open to me and we can talk abt anything under the sun/moon/sky.. a man who faces issues and really try to solve them.. for now, you aren't the one.. whether or not u will become one or if my expectation will change, that will be in the future.. maybe some days in the future we may be back together and stay happily ever after.. maybe we will never be together anymore coz feelings fade, things change.. maybe some days in the future, u will meet a lady who can accept u as u are and doesn't need you to change this change that.. after some time (maybe days or weeks or months or even years), we will forget each other, we will move on with our individual lives.. i'm really thankful for ur company and going thru' these days with me.. helping me with my studies and not giving up on me whenever i have difficulties dealing with my own feelings, heart and mind.. we do have happy memories.. but it could have be better and might last if u are more to what i want from a r/s...

sorry that i left all of a sudden.. i know ur family might ask u why and what happen to us.. i know ur friends who met me already might ask u how things b/w us.. i know u will have trouble replying.. sorry, shouldn't have ask to meet ur friends so that i can know u better and how u are like with them.. i'm sorry if ur parents make thing hard on u.. but really thank them for treating me so nice too.. asking me over for dinner, buy breakfast, even got a camera for me (but i didn't accept the gift =x sorry for that).. like i tell u, i wish u could love me.. at least i could see ur dad loves ur mum that much but i cant see that for us....

sorry if i never return, cause high possibility of that...