ok.. to be serious.. i was not even ask for any suggestion or opinion.. or given any choice.. and now.. i got to pay for it.. i find it kind of ridiculous.. but end of the day.. i will still pay for it..

to me.. li shang wang lai is only to ppl who i'm not close to..
to my close friends, i dun mind giving them everything.. just to make them happy.. and not asking anything back for return..
but to some, i just feel ...... ....... ....
dun ask me what is it.. i dunno how to describe or express..
hate it when is un-fairness.. or maybe bias-ness..
and i dun see why should i.. it might not make any sense to u people..
but i just wanna say it out..
i just dun like fake people..
i hate them..

work...

due to some factors, i don't like coming home..
just like those times in secondary school and poly...
everything was fine until some factors keep rubbing in..
and now.. things are back to the 'same'..
same as previously.. this tells one thing..
things can never change or get better..
even if you try to.. you are trying too hard..
you shouldn't have tried at all..
so.. don't try and never try again in the future..
coz we just know..
things never change..

after some talk things out session,, things are getting better..
i'm alright and fine always..
is just that i'm that kind of person that must rant n complain then i will feel better..
i still accept things as they are.. is just that i need to complain.. that's all..

寂寞的感觸⋯⋯

回頭看了看，好想沒人能讓我訴苦，也沒人在這個難過的日子，讓我抱 一抱。 現在只想要被你緊緊抱在懷裡，但我卻看不見你的蹤影，感覺不到你的氣息。

現在的我，心好痛好痛。我是多麼希望你就在這裡，可是，你卻不在⋯⋯

其實，是我讓你失望了，但你也一樣，讓我好失望，好心痛。畢竟是我的錯，我沒權向你生氣，但我很難過。難過得想哭，難過得讓我的心很痛，難過得睡不著，到現在我的心還是隱隱作痛。該如何是好？我也不知道。

暫時的我，只想把自己關在自己的世界裡，誰都不想管。可能是我小題大作，但我被我自己說得話影響了。

分開了兩個星期，這是第一次我們 “吵架” 。你夠大方，不把我說得爛話放在心上，但我卻被你當時的反應給弄傷了。不是你的錯，是我自己的問題。 分開了兩個星期，感覺你越來越遙遠，我們 “見面” 和 “談話” 的次數和時間也減少了許多因為我們個忙個的。我不希望有一天我們醒來，再也感覺不到對方。我知道不會發生的。

我好累了，是時候就寢。晚安。好多感觸的一晚⋯⋯

REJECT..!!!

rejected by MOE..
and i know the reason..
i cause it.. i ask a question i shouldn't have ask..
or give them the idea that i shouldn't have give..
i also dunno is it a good or bad news..
haiz.. i'm just confused..
anyway.. that means i got to find a proper job le..
haiz..

sorry that i offended u but i never meant too..

waited for so long and it ended with an awkward mood.. really feel like crying now..
it ended without me feeling ur presence..
sorry that i offended u but i don't mean too..
haiz.. troubles also come from my mouth..
maybe i should have talk less coz i am never able to transmit my idea to u properly..

maybe shouldn't have started it then it wun end in that weird mood..
and my heart hurts and is really painful now..
how am i going to sleep now in order to wake up for work tml..
this time my eyes get watery not because i miss you..
but suddenly i cant feel u.. and i really feel lonely..
empty. emotional. lonely. sad.
wo bu xiang kou.. bu ke yi..
wo yao heng jian qiang..
ke shi wo hai shi kou le..

nights..
my night just ended this way....

Work @ AVIVA Ltd

being working at AVIVA Ltd as temp admin for 3 days le..
very tired coz got to wake up early in the morning and go home late at night..
and just for that pathetic little pay.. haiz..
so sian..
i need a permanently job.. anyone got any lobang..
dun ask me do sales.. i cant sell things..

kind of tired very early plus abit lonely..
sian.. i prefer aussie life..
those relax lifestyle..
is because i need the money if not i wun force myself to work 1 week plus after i get back to SG..
but i need even more money..
i got stuff that i wanna get.. that i wanna buy..
but i got no $$ =(
haiz.. back to reality.. my certificate is not bringing me anywhere..
i dunno.. so "fan"..!!
ok.. enough of grumbling time to orr orr liao..
nights..

went for MOE interview today..
for Physical Education and Chemistry (Secondary school level).
this has been bothering me for very long..
should i or should i not take up the offer..?
i dun mind taking up the offer but i was thinking that maybe i can work in science industry for a year or so before i step into teaching line..
which mean is a defer of studies but then the interviewers say that they will want the student to go into NIE within one year to get the relevant training..
haiz.. i really dunno..
i dunno what i want in my life.. haiz..
the best option is that i can defer but they are not happy with that..
so what should i do now..?
haiz..
i think i was too rush for my application..
i never think of my future that in depth yet..
if i'm not going to take up the offer..
i think i will be blacklisted by MOE le..
coz it will be the 2nd time i reject them..
first time is for the Chinese language at Primary School level..
haiz.. how how..?
i wanted to get myself a job.. but now there is one..
but i still cannot decide whether to take it anot..
haiz..
life.. why do i need to make decisions..
i hate making decision when i have no idea what i want..
how.. what should i do..?

back in SG

back for 4 days..
life is kind of boring.. hoping to get a temp job first in order to save money to go for holiday =x
heez..
have been skype-ing with my darling..
but then everytime skype everytime will tear =(
haiyo.. also dunno why..
must be strong..
just like what i comment on my facebook..
i thought i wun miss you that much but actually i miss you alot..
maybe is that we always have each other by our side..
now suddenly have nobody there, feel very sad..
the 'empty' feeling..? the weird feeling?
i also dunno..
i only know i miss you and i really love you (*^_^*)
more than what i thought..
nevermind.. i will time will fly..
i will see you soon..
now got to find a job and save money to go for holiday..
hopefully Taiwan with miiee miiee..
muacks.. now is just waiting to see whether we will skype anot..
*sigh*
i miss you darling..!!