went back msia over the long weekend to celebrate the 60th wedding anniversary of my grandparent. is a buffet style dinner with tents, karaoke, tables and chairs set outside my grandparent house. this is the 1st time after so long, that i didn't bring you along for special occasion and celebration. nobody asked me directly but relatives asked my mother.. is kind of weird and not use to it that you weren't around.. is weird right, is my family but somehow you weren't ard make me feel kind of out of place.. one of my cousin's child ask me where is my boyfriend.. oh well, i could only say, don't have to the small kids. they do remember you.. it does flash back memories of us at my grandparent's place.. but.. is already the past.. we all move on.. for a better future i guess..

i can't say i have somebody with me cause that person is not.. maybe is either one of us is the wrong person or is the wrong time. things are working (or maybe not).. but no matter what, i will keep a friend than to lose one unless that person is not worth keeping as friend..

time to think about my master course offer. got to enrol next week, cant delay my decision making anymore =( sigh~~ i also don't know who should i really consult although i talk to most.. but i guess is just that i need some justification to make myself do it willingly and full-heartedly and without anymore doubts.. with the course commencing Jan 2012, i will be busy with work and studies.. these 2 should be able to keep me busy for at least 2.5 years.. so i could not think anything about relationship since i also dont have the time to commit and maybe the wrong person and maybe is wrong time. is a sign.. taking up the course, i could take a long long break from relationship, but is this what i want? i also don't know, but i guess maybe at this stage, i'm just taking whatever comes along the way, but is term of works and studies, not anyone/man and just get together.. yup.. maybe till i find someone who is understanding, accept me for who i am, able to take my nonsense =x can help me with my decision making and maybe a great helper to me in life, able to motivate me in work and studies.. and likewise, that person will make me want to treat him well and stuff.. but i guess, this will not happen in real life.. is all a dream..