back home from a 5 days of CNY at grandparent's place (Malaysia). set off at abt 2+pm on sat 21st Jan.. the traffic was super heavy, there were too many cars on the highway. reach home at abt 7pm.. usually the ride will take abt 3hr plus to go back..

somehow this is the worse chinese new year i have been through.. although there are alot more addition to the big big family and some relatives were back too. inside me, i just feeling nothing.. no new year mood, no reunion feeling, to be exact, i'm quite feeling-less these few days.. there are still relatives asking me how come i didnt bring my boyfriend back.. i could only answer "no la, never bring back".. this is so torturing.. i could only smile back.. i'm feeling quite tiring.. i want to feel emotionless.. somehow i think i'm good with hiding all my emotions from others.. but somehow, i feel it is getting tougher already. i am more and more speechless each day.. i am like controlling all my emotions in front of everyone.. i could only release them out at night, in my room.. somehow i wish i could just get depression and i could just live in my own world. all these emotions are killing me, i'm just feel like dying.. every morning i wake up, i just feel so restless and helpless.. i don't know what i'm to look forward.. i'm telling myself everyday, just carry on living, maybe one day, hopefully one day, the thing you wish for and you wanted will come true.. just live..