there can nv be serious talk.. whenever i start being serious but you gave me those non-serious answer coz u say you dont have an answer.. so even when there is serious talk, it just ended without any closing off as issues identified were never solved, not on the day of talk or the next few days or even until the next 'serious' talk, they are still presented.. i can't accept it.. i can never.. i can't live with it like this.. i can't sleep or even sleep well when there are issues bothering me or they can't be solved, i just want to solve them and dont want it to come haunting me.. however, it is opposite for you. you can sleep it off with it everytime without fail, thinking that u cant get a solution to it, why not sleep and maybe next day u might be clearer in mind or maybe also hoping that the issue will nv be brought up again and hope it disappeared (or solved by itself).. it is always the case.. just like mention, i can't understand too.. why it can be like this.. maybe you just don't care (stop saying you care when ur actions aren't showing likewise)..
this can't be carried on.. it always repeat and repeat and somehow you take it as an advantage and hoping that you can always try your luck and thinking that this will go on and things wont go bad.. NOPE..!! i can't stand it.. there is effort i can see but it can't be deny that you only put in what i see as minimum while you say is almost your maximum.. i don't know.. maybe is just how much you care about the other person and how willingly you will give to another person.. nope.. u will just sleep, rest and do nth.. i'm tired of always trying and always thinking that maybe is i expect too much.. but whenever i take a step out n look at it, what i expect isn't that much and some of them are really the basic minimum..
let's face the truth, none of us are really happy now.. when i'm serious, you feel stressed and feel u can't meet my expectation and u are unhappy.. when see you can't be really bother and just not that serious, i just feel like maybe, maybe i shouldn't have ever think of serious stuff at all, it can nv happen.. i can feel your anger and unhappiness when u feel u try but yet i didn't give good response and yet demanding more as i feel there should be more..
i guess, when views, expectation, habits etc do really affect if people can get along.. we just can't.. thinking and wants are just different...
one with not much expectation VS one with expectations..
one only like (love is too much a word) VS one who is looking for love..
one who can live as it is without much plan VS one who wants a plan at least short term (1-5 years time)...
stop asking me what is short term n long term..
stop asking me the same questions over and over again hoping that i will change my answers to them..
stop saying things which you don't mean it at all.. you might not wan to promise things or make commitments, but somehow, it becomes a reasonable excuse not to do things.. anyway, it isn't that important to me.. you are messing up your own life.. i won't want to mess up my life when u can't even handle yours..
i need a man who loves me and can take care of me.. i want it vice versa rather than only from me.. u nv understand what is love, real love.. dont say love when you dont mean it or trying to get away with certain issues.. not every woman are blinded.. at least i'm not.. i m rational and can be irrational at times.. but i know when to be what.. so stop 'smoking' me off.. u can get away once, twice or even thrice but it triggered the alarm limit.. too much is too much.. certain things i can give in n accept and certain things i die die also want them in my r/s or man..
anyway, i guess is time to really end the struggle and torture.. maybe for the past weeks and months, i'm always stressing myself to sort this out once n for all and nv return.. i think n think, maybe i m stressed too with many stuff in my life.. maybe all these is the cause for my health issue, the persistent lymph node that doesnt want to go away and making me afraid of it being cancerous, it being a health alert.. i need to be positive, truly happy, less troubled (problems taken care of)... maybe i'm better off being independent rather than thinking of finding a guy which i can rely on, a shoulder for me to cry on or rest when i'm tired, who will take care of me and care and love me always.. ohh well.. maybe such a guy doesn't exist in my life..
