today is the last day of 2011.. a lot to think so, a lot to reflect on, a lot to decide on.. i've lost more than what i gained. probably taken more than gave. a new life in 2012 which i've yet to get use to the changes. where should i head to today or i should be rotting at home doing spring cleaning so i just feel like going, to whichever, wherever.......
i have so much to do but i just don't know what to do.. i have so much to say but i don't know what to be say and what to be kept. i should be moving forward now rather than always taking a step back.
a sudden thought that i will be studying and working gave me a frightening feeling.. i'm afraid of not being able to cope.. i will be tired from the extra effort to be putting in for work since i can't do OT that often (i wish there is NO overtime). i need to be disciple and put in effort for my studies too.. i'm afriad i cant cope and there will be 2 outcome: i will try to put in more effort, if not, i will give up totally as i can't take the pressure and the stress. i will let go before i break down. what a loser am i right.. before it start i'm like backing out. before any serious issue or problems pop out i'm so afraid of this and that and instead of thinking of positive solution, i'm backing off, hide or run away from it.
this love issue of mine can't seem to be lifted off my mind.. why.. why am i be that emotional? why can't i live without love? why can't i live without a relationship.. why am i always be stuck in a solution which is directly/indirectly caused by me? why am i so afraid? why is it that you know that suit you the most, that gave you the best and happiest time, that just work out perfectly but.. but you left that? although there are many many times that i really feel like turning back, but i know i had made my choice (that hurts many including myself), whenever i thought of this, i told myself to live with what i have now.. i guess i have to stop this conflicting feelings and thoughts soon.. this will not bring me anyway and will only make me remain in the same spot.. maybe i should just give chance to the other him and carry on with my life and not thinking so much.
do i really worry too much? think too much? always worry and think about future issues and problems and ended up giving myself more problems before that problems even surface..
i have so much to do but i just don't know what to do.. i have so much to say but i don't know what to be say and what to be kept. i should be moving forward now rather than always taking a step back.
a sudden thought that i will be studying and working gave me a frightening feeling.. i'm afraid of not being able to cope.. i will be tired from the extra effort to be putting in for work since i can't do OT that often (i wish there is NO overtime). i need to be disciple and put in effort for my studies too.. i'm afriad i cant cope and there will be 2 outcome: i will try to put in more effort, if not, i will give up totally as i can't take the pressure and the stress. i will let go before i break down. what a loser am i right.. before it start i'm like backing out. before any serious issue or problems pop out i'm so afraid of this and that and instead of thinking of positive solution, i'm backing off, hide or run away from it.
this love issue of mine can't seem to be lifted off my mind.. why.. why am i be that emotional? why can't i live without love? why can't i live without a relationship.. why am i always be stuck in a solution which is directly/indirectly caused by me? why am i so afraid? why is it that you know that suit you the most, that gave you the best and happiest time, that just work out perfectly but.. but you left that? although there are many many times that i really feel like turning back, but i know i had made my choice (that hurts many including myself), whenever i thought of this, i told myself to live with what i have now.. i guess i have to stop this conflicting feelings and thoughts soon.. this will not bring me anyway and will only make me remain in the same spot.. maybe i should just give chance to the other him and carry on with my life and not thinking so much.
do i really worry too much? think too much? always worry and think about future issues and problems and ended up giving myself more problems before that problems even surface..
posted by aHwEi at
2:06:00 PM
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