that hought in my mind

i duno wat wrong but my mind keep having this thought in it..

i'm far away from you and she is so near to you.. wat you need is onli someone you love n to accompany. coz you are afraid of lonely.. i used to be the reason to make you felt lonely when i'm not by ur side.. when ur friends are not free to accompany.. she will always be there for u.. not once not twice but always.. she used to be the one you love n she is now the one you love.. she is the ger which u always think is best among all of us.. whenever i'm not around she will appear to be able to accompany you to make u feel not lonely.. i even wonder before you even come over to australia.. you already start loving her again.. you never admit that.. it seems like i'm the one at fault for all this.. but i realise.. you went out with her more than once.. she is always by your side.. she will always there for you when you need someone.. she is so caring n thoughtful to you.. you felt her more than felt me.. guess you didn't realli love me that much.. or maybe at one point you realli love mi alot alot but during this few months.. it starts to get lesser n lesser.. partly is coz i'm not at ur side n you cant feel mi..

you always say u did alot for this relationship for there is one thing you never do at all.. you never get her out of us.. she is always there.. there as a "friend" that you sae.. you treat mi good.. buy mi alot of stuff spend alot of money on me.. but i realise.. i didn't ask for all this.. is you wanna get it for mi.. you always say you did wat you can for mi le.. but everything is got to do with money.. i even think back n i realise.. i actually didn't ask you to come australia.. is you who SMS mi n tell mi if i work hard n study hard you promise you will come n visit mi at least once.. actually i didn't ask you to come.. is you mention abt this then i ask you to come de.. the time when u msg mi this.. you still love mi alot u still feel that u need mi in ur life.. u still feel that i'm important.. but as days goes.. alot of things happened.. arguements quarrels.. friends pei-ing you.. soon u realise actually you are afraid of lonely but you need mi no more.. you have friends around you.. you have her too.. by then.. i should have realise.. you already dun love mi le.. why am i so stupid n retarded not to realise this fact.. there is hints n hints over n over again that tis relationship will end soon but i didn't realise this.. even if i nv did anything wrong at airport that day.. as long as i sae something wrong aft that.. you will still break up with mi.. that is just happen to be a reason to break up.. as long as once i did 1 thing wrong.. i'm sentenced to death.. i should haf realise the love isn't that strong anymore.. i should have pull myself back then.. why did i fall in deeper.. bcoz the love isn't that strong anymore.. so you feel tired being with mi.. i never think of you leaving mi.. but i guess i realli facing the fact.. the fact that u never admit.. the fact that you fall for her.. maybe people will say at least he never 2 time you but i guess is almost the same.. breaking up but soon you are with her.. isn't it the same..

i guess this is my fate.. being "timed" by guy that i loved.. i keep telling myself this isn't the fact the everyone is saying the fact is already in front of mi n wan mi to face it.. the fact that you love her now.. the fact that hurt mi so much.. the fact that you don't love mi anymore.. i dun wan to accept all this fact.. why i wan you to remain good n so good in my mind.. why i cant accept all this fact.. i dun wan to love you le.. i realli dun wan.. i wanna destroy the image of you inside my mind my heart.. so that i can dun love you anymore.. why is everything so clear n open there for mi to see.. i still dun wan to accept this fact.. m i just silly or stubborn.. you are not that guy that i love anymore.. you are not the one anymore.. i just wanna stop loving you.. i just wanna dun love you.. i just wanna forget you.. i just dun wanna accept the fact that there is her beside you.. i just dun wana accept the fact that u 'betray' mi.. i just dun wanna accept the fact that u start to fall for her again when u r with mi.. i just dun wanna believe all this.. is tis all facts?? i realli duno.. i realli feel like knowing but i noe i wun be able to take it if is the truth coz i noe the truth will hurt even more.. alot alot more.. i keep telling myself you sae you never love anyone is just that you dun love mi le that y we break up.. but someone tell mi.. it can be a lie too.. just another lie to cover himself to make himself seems so noble n realli didn't wanna make tis decision.. it seems like everything is a lie.. i realli dunno how to differentiate LIES anymore.. i dunno how to trust a person anymore.. everything is like lies.. lies everywhere.. how to live in tis kind of world.. who can i trust anymore.. you r the one that i trust so much but every words you said before just hurt mi.. i duno which is truth which is lies.. i duno how to differentiate anymore.. i tell myself dun drop any more tears for you.. no more.. everyone sae you dun worth for mi to cry.. but i failed again.. the tears just roll down.. it keeps coming down.. why cant my eyes be a good dam n hold all the water all the tears.. i must not cry over tis anymore.. i duno when can i realli do tis.. i dun wanna miss you.. i dun wanna love you.. i dun wanna cry bcoz of you.. i dun wan anything abt you.. at this point of time n thing happen till this stage.. i shouldn't be loving you anymore.. but y cant i dun love.. i just wanna get you out of my mind my heart my brain.. i just dun wanna cry quietly alone in my room again.. i feel lonely too.. very lonely.. but i think i start to love to be alone.. alone without the need to be happy n smile for others.. alone emo in the room.. alone i felt relax n no need to scare of anything.. i realli duno u change mi to become wat kind of person le.. a person which i duno at all.. a person which i dunno which is the real mi..

我离你很远 而她离你很近



1 days to 3rd paper. 6 days to last exam paper.
9 more days of toughness n pains here... how long more can i endure tis pains? hAiz..