LifE iS tOo m|sErabLe Le..

life seems so miserable.. life is so miserable.. it haf been miserable for 1month plus le.. but it seems to get more n more miserable each day.. i'm living more n more xin ku each day.. it nv seems to get better.. every night i cried more n more badly n cried longer n longer each night.. i'm talking less n less each day.. i cant talk n talk like i used to be.. crap n joke n talk n gossip.. i cant.. i dun feel like talking.. or should haf i duno wat to sae.. i noe i making my friends around mi very worried.. i'm sorrie.. but i have not reach the stage whereby i let go n i become the yenwei that u guys noe.. i'm sorrie.. i cant be back the happie n cheerful yenwei that u ppl sae i belong to.. i guess tis incident changed my life totally.. change mi too much n too extreme le.. i can onli sae for the time being u all wun see back the yenwei u ppl noe.. even i said i'm ok i'm fine but inside mi.. i'm not fine at all.. i tried not to cry in front of u ppl but sorrie.. i cant smile or laugh in front of u ppl too... i forget wat is the feeling of happie le.. i cant smile or laugh from my heart.. coz it is dead.. mayb just for the time being mayb forever.. or mayb even till i return back to australia.. i still have not recover.. i'm sorrie to make u ppl disappointed but i still cant let go n recover from tis.. i cant tell u ppl much coz is mi that haf to make myself move on but for the time being.. i'm still stuck here.. cant move on.. it is too hurting le.. i try not to cry in front of u ppl i trying to.. but i'm realli very xin ku..

true love is never smooth.. i noe.. but i truly love tis guy all the while even till now.. but to him.. i'm just a ger that wasted 1 yr of his life.. a ger that he dun love.. a ger that he find very irritating.. a ger that he regretted for wasting his time on.. a ger that he wun ever think or miss.. a ger that he wun ever love again.. coz he change.. he change to be a guy that weight everything.. compare everything.. a guy that onli think of having advantages to him.. a guy who dun love bcoz of just love n no other reason.. sae wat if i go out see him with another ger holding hands doesn't mean that she is his girlfriend coz they treat him good wat.. treat him go movie or go eat.. change to a guy who will love someone who is pretty n rich.. but he changed to be a guy that lie so much.. even when he tell mi he changed n dun believe in love bcoz of love.. i feel that he is lying.. he is not tis kind of guy i noe that.. i noe u r lying.. but if he wanna say until he is tis kind of person i oso got nth to sae.. but u r a heartless person when handle tis.. yes.. u r very heartless.. but if u think u doing tis will help mi to move on.. u r wrong.. u r hurting mi even more.. but u r not making mi move on.. if u think u hurt mi more can make mi hate u n stand up again then u r wrong again.. u always sae tis is the best solution tis is the best for mi.. haf u ask mi before wat i wan.. do u realli think tis is the best for mi.. no ba.. y u always sae is the best n think that is the best n dun ask otherss.. it is not the best.. from the start of everything.. it is not the best solution n is not the best for mi that is onli wat u think is best for mi.. but it is NOT ! is the best for u but not mi.. u get back the freedom u wan.. but u noe wat u did to my life.. u noe ma.. u nv care.. even u care but u dun care for mi.. to u.. i'm just some1 that u feel that u did the right thing n u dun feel sorrie or regret or feel that u did something wrong to mi. u dun feel that.. i'm just some1 that u wanna get out of ur life so that u can forget everything n carry on ur life like nothing happen.. everything seem so easy n sae till so easy.. forget abt everything n move on.. to u it seem so easy n is wat u wan.. but to mi.. u nv ask wat i wan.. u make all the decision that u feel is the best for the both of us but no.. is onli best to u ba.. as least now it seem so good n is the best solution for u.. i duno.. u ruin my life.. everyone sae there is nothing like "i cant live without you" yes i noe.. but i duno how to carry on my life now.. u step into my life change my life n just leave my life without warning n just disappear.. i'm just like a joke to u.. wat still can be friend.. the way u treat ur friends is wrong ba.. the way u tok to mi tis "friend" is so sarcastic so mean.. n everything i sae seem like a joke to u.. laugh n laugh.. u duno how to treat a person with sincere ba.. or maybe u did.. but bcoz of some incident the way u treat ppl is so fake.. wearing mask.. guess every1 wear mask ba.. onli stupid ppl like mi believe in treating ppl with sincere will be able to touch ppl.. will be able to see the real person in u.. but it seem like not.. u treat mi the way u feel that is suppose to treat ur girlfriend.. does it come frm the bottom of ur heart.. mayb it does.. but weighting all the advantage n disadvantage n all the happiness n unhappiness u haf.. make u a very practical person.. maybe is life.. but if tis is the way to weight a relationship.. then i guess it is just a transaction to u ba.. love cannot be measure llike tis de.. u might sae i'm not practical enough not realistic enough.. but love is love.. love is without reason n love will love de.. it wun bcoz of wat then dun love de.. if love is not strong enough then it is just like but not love ba.. i noe u will sae in wat stand can i sae u.. yes.. i'm a failure but i believe in love.. i believe love realli is love some1 wholeheartedly n even when he did something that make mi sad n disappointed.. i will sae it out n not keep it in heart.. if not.. forget about it.. coz love is not love the person good points n ask him to change his bad point for mi.. love is also to love his bad points.. if he change for u.. it will be great but not bcoz of requesting him to change n change n he nv change in the time that u set for him to change then give up on him.. he will change de.. as long as he love u n feel ur love for him.. he will change for u 1 day.. but there shouldnt be a time limit for that.. love some1 good point but also love his bad points.. i believe in tis.. but guess u dun ba.. tis 1 n a half yr.. u change mi alot ba.. or i did change for u.. but not to the standard that u wan within the time limit that u gave ba.. but how can i change back now.. is a good thing i change.. but the changes is too mani n make mi lost now coz i duno haf to work toward where le..

it is a 1 way road.. i cant U-turn to become the past mi.. u let go of my hand in tis 1-way road n left mi there.. but suddenly.. the 1 way which i can onli carry on walkin forward change to a T junction.. i duno which way to go.. i scare i choose the wrong way n i will get further away from u so i'm standing at the T-junction lost.. lost all my direction in my life.. but all my friends come to mi n pull mi to the right turn.. telling mi is the right way.. coz none of the turn will bring mi to u again.. it ended.. u sae that too.. but it is so suddenly.. it as if we r travelling in the car n suddenly u open the door n push mi out of the car n left mi alone in a place i haf no idea of.. i wanna chase the car but the driver wun let mi in anymore.. i can onli walk n walk aimlessly on the road.. my heart tell mi dun let go but my mind tell mi dun give up.. mayb the road wun lead mi to u.. but mayb 1 day.. we might meet again.. the onli thing i can do n walk n walk even though i duno it will lead mi to where.. i'm walking aimlessly now.. maybe down the road i will find aims n targets.. i noe i'm stubborn i'm silly i'm stupid.. but i guess i wun force myself not to love u coz i realli love u alot alot love u very deeply.. i noe there wun be chance that we will be together anymore in the future like wat u sae.. i'm not pretty not rich so u wun love mi coz u sae u dun believe in love bcoz of love.. so i guess i can onli just live my life loving some1 who wun love mi.. is stupid i noe.. but i guess love is so stupid ba.. i'm stupid i noe..