it hurts.. but is for our better.. i can't seem to control the tear.. but this time, is for happiness tear.. thank you for being part of my past 2.5 years of life.. those times are really very sweet memories.. nobody can take those away.. thank you for being so supportive even till now and wanting me to find my target in life and opening up to people.. i will miss you, really will...

i need to stop crying.. i need to.. i need to become the strong and independent yenwei.. but why it seems so difficult to stop..

went to orchard shopping/dinner with jingquan, alicia and meiping.. we met at orchard at 3pm (as usual i'm always late).. we started walking and shop ard.. guess we are all old le.. can't shop as long as when young and also dunno where to head to.. got a necklace at ION and then we head to Cineleisure for dinner.. have xin wang hongkong cafe and i guess we overkill again (YES, again and always..!!) we were so full and we start to walk at Somerset 313 before we settle for Cold Stone Creamery.. we order 2 small one to share among we 4 as we are still quite full but meiping and me craving for ice-cream =x heez.. got myself 2 spaghetti tops from Forever 21.. is only $5 each so 2 is only $10, which is like so DAMN cheap k.. didnt get anything much as i don't wana overspend this month..

things have been there for about 5-6 days le. is it time to settle and decide? don't care if it a decision that i will regret in the future or is a foolish decision or is a selfish decision or is a decision that is good.. should I..? i only know i shouldnt drag things for too long.. what i want for myself and for my life.. life without u for these few days seem abit weird but things are still alright.. i did lose my appetite which i dont know is it due to stress.. but i still eat normal and alot on certain days to balance.. friends and some colleagues are good to meet me and just to spend time with me.. i didn't think much.. i don't know do this mean i can live normally..? i'm also unsure.. i also don't how have u been, r things going well for u..? i guesss i'm really selfish ba.. i can really don't msg u for these few days since i have people to accompany me, if not is i work till late kind.. i think i kind of getting use to the life now like no commitment and stuff.. is this what i want? i also dont know.. sigh~~ i know i'm being unfair to you..

feeling very depressed now.. what should i do and what could i do..

who can save me.. or can somebody just kill me..

something is missing from my life.. is that you..? or i'm still searching for that "you"..

i just hate myself..

this is tougher than i thought i could withhold.. relax n dun rush.. but why is it that i cant slp well.. waking up once in a while.. i dun wish to b like last time, to get muscle relax medicine from doctor...

maybe i should take 1 big step out if thus whole picture.. to get out from relationship.. i'm not mature to handle them.. mayb i dont suit to be in any..

sigh.. i hate myself for being so unclear of what i want in my life.. this question is with me ever since secondary school.. but till now.. a decade, but i have yet to find the answer.. why...? i'm not grown up yet? sigh~

when will i know what i want in my life..? i'm the bad person.. maybe i should just leave and never come back..

am i that immature?

我的心好痛

who can i blame but myself..

slap me pls..

feel like giving myself one hard slap on my face. i hurt a person who i didn't want to and i know who will nv hurt me.. what sort of woman am i.. i cant help but only laugh at myself.. i didn't make things clear and solve the problems which were initially there. i just let the problem be there and ignored them thinking that will be okay when time pass.. but now, things went wrong.. just so wrong, i dunno if i have make the right decision but i think i will wanna go on with the decision i made.. i know i might regret in the future or even curse and swear.. but i just hope to do a little for myself.. i know i'm being unfair to u.. i'm really sorry.. i'm a bad woman.. a woman that don't worth ur tears.. i also see myself not up.. i think i have yet to grow up to make me think like what most of u think.. but now, i wan a break.. i will just do my work n work.. i believe as time goes by, u will be alright.. i will be okay too..

scold me.. hate me.. vent ur anger at me.. is my fault.. u deserved a better treatment.. i know i let u down.. i know.. slap me please.. maybe i will grow up n wake up.. maybe there will be another better option..

should we try to start all over again.. and do those that we did wrong and make this time works.. but i'm afraid what if it doesn't work.. then i will hurt you again, which i don't want.. i really hate myself..

another year to add to my age =x

back from my MBS 3D2N birthday stay =) heez.. is nice, so cosy.. love the room, the swimming pool.. can only say is shiok, nua~, just dun wanna check-out kind of feeling.. haha.. thanks everyone for the treats, preseents and surprise =)

love the company of those that spent with me... is so great and a different experience..

Cruise trip to Redang

back from cruise trip.. went for a short 3D2N Singapore-Redang-Singapore cruise trip via Super Star Virgo from 3th Aug evening to 5th Aug afternoon.. is an offer from deal.com with a free upgrade to balcony class. the stop over at redang, which was only the marine park for snorkelling.. is kinda short but there was no shop and stuff.. didnt even get any souvenir. more of the time spent on cruise.. eating, sleeping, slacking and visited the casino on both nights =x heez.. luckily the lady luck was with me.. didn't suffer any loss.. is the discipline.. but gotta thanks miiee miiee for giving me this trip as an advance birthday present.. hope u enjoy ur cruise trip..