depressed..

lesson was last min cancelled as lecturer wasn't feeling well. and today a bad news hit me.. hit me damn hard.. i guess today is the worst day ever..

seriously, this is the time to face all the issues. solved them and stop letting it surface over n over again..

maybe i'm better off being alone..

why things are that tough n never want to commit or change for the better.. sometime, i just feel like saying "F it, screw it"... i think i'm better alone.. don't come n piss me off or try to push me to the limit.. some things just can't be force anymore after ample attempts, chances and times given.. guess it reaches the stage whereby enough is enough. since times are never enough for things to changes or happens.. efforts are made but not enough for any progression or improvement.


i dreamt.. dreamt about a man who tells me he is living his life now, he is better with someone else he is with now and the gal he is with now makes him happy.. but why do i wake up with heartache..? coz i wasn't the gal and the man was far far away from me...

u make me wonder, how important and serious u are taking things b/w us.
somehow it doesn't seem that serious whenever we have arguments on the same old issues which we can't resolve. u can just ignore it and pretend they don't exist since u can't solve them.. but i can't.. i dont like the so not serious attitude in r/s. u can be fun n not serious at times but i do hope u respect and really see things seriously b/w us rather than just think it will be resolve somehow but dont know when n how, so just leave things as they are.. argghhhh..

美好的回憶就讓它停留再記憶了，偶爾懷念懷念⋯⋯

我已經在往前走了，不能讓自己一直停留再那裡。

他離開了，我也消失了。有時想到就笑一笑，未來會更美好的。開心的人自然會變得更有自信，人也會健康點。憂鬱少一點，快樂多一點  ^_^

Happy Birthday to myself ^_^

back from Redang. went Laguna Redang resort. was a relax yet tiring trip.. tiring in the sense of long traveling time on bus then ferry. went to JB Larkin to take bus to K Terrenganu then wait for resort bus to ferry terminal then take ferry to resort. suppose to go for 4 dives but 1st dive was too boring and nothing to see that made me not wanting to wake up early in the morning the next day. finally i decided to give it another chance, i went for the last dive, it was nice =) have super good sleep and rest over at the island. basically is just dive, sleep, eat, rest at the beach. the weather was good to me. it only rain on the last day whereby i m suppose to come back to Singapore =( bus was late, so i reach JB late so i came back SG late. will be on leave today =x medical leave.. hope today will be a good day to me.. Happy Birthday ^_^

happy lunar birthday.. one more week is the actual.. should feel happy right.. going holiday/diving in 4 days time.. is a getaway.. to find some peace for myself..

我知道妳我都沒有錯 只是忘了怎麼退後
信誓旦旦給了承諾 卻被時間撲了空

我知道我們都沒有錯 只是放手會比較好過
最美的愛情　回憶裡待續

there is one thing i must learn to do.. never to tear for another person in front of the guy who cares for me.. sorry that recently my emo-ness can't be hide well, i let u see the down and sad side of me.. this time, i promise myself be strong and to move on.. i will try my very best not to think about the past or cry over that anymore.. is unfair to you, i'm sorry about that and thanks for being understanding in this part. thanks for not blaming me or being angry with me about talking and teared for another guy.. i will move on, i promise i will.. for the better of myself..

the guy who i loved most

a guy that i loved the most... who affects me the most n understand me the most.. he is not just a parcel of my life but he is one that will be "with" me for life. but he will never be the guy that i will be with forever.

love has no forever. love to others may be just part n parcel of life but for me, love is almost everything.. giving and sharing everything u have with the one.

need not forget about him but can't be 'stuck' with the memories of him.. let go, move on.. keep telling myself, eventually 1 day i will be able to let go n move on totally.. the future is waiting for me. i will reach there eventually.. i will be fine, i know i will. even if i'm not, there is a 'you' who try to help by just stay by the side. although you can't help me or pull me out n up, but really appreciate your presence. although you don't know i'm sad or need someone to talk to or just to be there for me, but still thank you.

don't cry too much, don't cry over spilt milk, especially one that happened 1 year ago and when everyone else moved on.. occasionally cry is alright as it tells that i'm not 'dead'.. not emotionless, still feel, still will sad or happy..

jiayou.. that's all i can tell myself.. at the end of the day, is still me who got to move on and be happy.. others can't help you much with it. like it always says: "the one who makes you cry is the one who makes you smile".. well, why is it such? that's life..

school life starting soon, it will keep me busy for quite sometime.. but do i feel july/august so emo.. whenever is aug, i think of last year.. national day preview, cruise, birthday, breakup.. well, i got to forget the sadness.. august is just a month, birthday is just another day, nothing special. don't think back. thinking back is like taking steps back, it makes moving on much tougher.. smiles for those happy memories and make those happy moments outshine those sad moments. there are lot more happy than unhappy. don't feel reluctant to let go or move on. got to do it some day. i will be fine. i know i will be..

i got to start loving myself more. treat myself better, maybe this will be better. i need to let go the love i have for u if not, it will never be fair for the other one. i might not love but like is good enough for now. might not be loved, but still searching for the one who loves me, protects me, understand me, take care of me, be there for me and having me in mind n heart whenever n whatever he does.

really feel like finding a place to cry my heart out.. to cry n forget abt everything... why crying nv helps... but im still crying..

let go? move on? i doubt so..

can anyone tell me, how can i totally let go and totally move on. everytime i thought i already let go n moved on, i realised that i have not.. what can i do or how can i go about it.. it a torture to me.. really it is.. i thought i have let go really let go, but i guess i ignore the fact n just pretended.. how.. can someone tell me how?? do i really need 2 years or so.. or this time i need a even longer time.. sigh...... what can i do to know feel that heart aching anymore...