what's over is over.
there is nothing to be done.
what's the cause?
what's the problem?
nobody knows.

misunderstanding?
miscommunication?
no one knows.

one thought the other this way
while the other thought one is this way
you thought i'm having mood swing
one day we can talk normally
one day we did not talk
i do thought you have mood swing too
one day we can talk happily
next day i see you
you all also don't care about me

so what is the problem?
everyone is at fault?
but like what everyone says
is over.
nothing was done.
or maybe we did try
but we all tried at the different moment.
is this not fate?
i don't know.

i always treasure friendship
and i always feel friends are important
but in this case,
i don't what can be done to even have back this friendship
there is too many misunderstanding..
too many miscommunication.

is over.
maybe i shouldn't go and think about it anymore.
anything or any words that hurt.
just bury it ba.
let's bygones be bygones..

everything leave to fate ba.
let nature take its course..?
haiz.. i don't.
i really i can really be don't be bother by this issue anymore.
can i just let go?
can i don't be bother anymore?
why am i still caring?
still thinking?
things already at this stage le..
don't need to think le is it?
i don't know
i just don't know..

maybe others don't...

haiz.. i also dunno what i'm saying.. no one will understand.. sleep ba.. there is nothing to do. sleep the days thru'.. haiz...

nothing much to update of my life.. shopping.. slping.. eating.. slacking.. rotting.. that's all.. wat more sia.. now waiting for my trip to melbourne but not looking forward to sdyney trip anymore..

anyway.. watever got to settle just settle it once and for all...
tan qian shang gan qing..
xian zai shi mei gan qing tan..
shi qu de bu hui zai zhao hui lai..
wo ye bu xiang zai zai na li le..
yi qie yi jie su..
bu xu yao zai qu xiang zai qu li hui zai qu shang xin..
yi qie yi bu zai zhong yao le


rotting my days thru'...

my life now is onli slping eating slacking and gambling =x heez.. playing mahjong for the past few days.. went to casino too.. eaten at the Cafe 21.. not bad but then is just too ex.. trying to win some trip expense from the casino.. hope tis plan will work well ya.. dun wan it to work the opposite way ya.. understand wat i mean =p heez.. anyway. i dun think there will be much updates from my life coz my life is just too boring.. holidae is boring now..

anyway.. in 7 days.. result will be out le.. OMG.. i'm so worry and scared.. i realli scare i wun pass and cant take Honours le.. haiz.. i dunno la.. there is so mani things that is troubling mi.. or mayb should say.. is not going well for mi.. anyway.. for the sydney trip.. i'm intending to do my own activities instead of joining ziyang they all.. there is reason behind it.. but i dun think i need to elaborate.. ask mi if u wanna know.. anyway.. is doesnt matter.. i'm just going to sydney to enjoy my holiday.. not for other stuff.. dun understand wat i sae.. nvm.. haha.. ask mi i will tell u.. just hope i can get my house asap.. if not everything also not cfm.. make mi hang there.. omg.. i need my own house now..

someone tell mi.. dun carry the idea in the wrong way.. i understand.. dun wry.. i've grown up.. wat is real wat is not real i know.. wat i should believe wat i shouldnt believe i noe.. wat i should put in heart wat i shouldnt put it in heart i also know.. but sometime.. just cant help it.... i know wat is right....

because of all tis.. i know wat to do le.. let go of everything.. n i wun be bother by any other the stuff anymore.. i will wanna get thing sorted out n spilt out.. since there isnt a room for talk.. i wun wan any talk anymore.. i have enough le.. if this is how thing will be.. then let it be.. coz i tried.. i can sae that.. but since it cant work.. sorrie.. i will be the worst friend of all.. hate mi if u wan.. i dun care anymore.. treat mi as invisible.. is alright.. coz i will do the same to u all.. i dun mind being alone.. i rather be alone..

if this approach dont work..
i guess..
i'm taking the other approach le..

exam is over

exam is offically over.. i'm unoffically shifted out of raven to fifth avenue.. onli when i get my own rental hse then i offically shift all my stuff le..

todae exam suck suck suck.. it seems like grade 6 is too difficult to get le.. get a grade 5 i happie le.. but then if my 3 other modules all got 4.. that mean i might not be able to make it for Honours le.. =( haiz.. also dunno la..


friendship is lost.. i cant even speak.. not even a single word..

is almost 6.30 am. but i haben slpt =( coz i haben manage to finish study or should i sae read thru my lecture notes for the paper at 11.15am.. i'm not in the mood for exam.. i'm just too slack.. tis paper i should be able to score de.. but i nv put in effort to study.. i should haf finish studying yesterdae de.. but i'm just not discipline enuff to study.. haiz.. i also dunno why.. i think this semester my result will be way way sucky le ba.. if pass all i should laugh.. if able to continue Honours then is a bonus ba.. coz i realli noe where my standard is..

Quoted from "I Believe You"

“You’re like the North Pole of a magnet bar, and he is also like the North Pole of a magnet bar. There’s no way for both of you to be close together. There’s a force that’ll always push you both apart. This force is called the obstacle, like interest differences, communication problems and etc.”

“However, if you put a metal bar in between, both you magnets will stick to it. And you’ll be close to each other. That metal bar dissolves the force that pushes both of you away. And that metal bar is what we called love.”

haiz.. things aren't going well.. i did want to shift to home aft exam to have some talks ba.. i noe we need to have some talks.. to get things talk out.. to settle stuff.. but then i wun be shifting back home le.. i'll be shifting out of home to ziyang they all de house temporary coz kim need my room.. since then i wun be back home although i will still be paying rent.. but tis also mean that.. we wun realli meet up le.. things will still remain awkward and stuff.. but i guess there isn't anything much to do le ba..

i might be irresponsible.. but then i'm already like not staying in that house le.. not using anything in that house.. is just that the room is occupy by my stuff.. maybe i very calculative.. i dun wanna pay more.. coz i realli tight in my budget now.. coz i not using anything in the house not eating in the house.. then maybe i shouldnt be paying for groceries le.. coz i'm eating at ziyang's hse.. i dun mind paying for others like petrol, internet and phone.. although i already nv use internet at home le.. but then i noe is unfair for u all to pay by urself.. but then electricity.. i just hoping that the next bill dun be so high.. coz i nv use much.. and i do afraid the heater will use alot of electricity..

everything is so un-settle.. getting house.. wat if i cant make it for honours and my exams so far is so damn sucky.. shifting from one hse to another is also very mafan.. everything goes back to money again.. how to get back the bond money..? how is the electric bill going to be settle if michelle is going to stay on.. then for the car.. i'm sorry but i reali feel that car need to be service le.. we haf not service it yet.. then the braking sound of the car.. the signal light glass.. de dented part.. the scratches on the car.. the sunburnt paint of the car... everything plus everything.. is money.. then come to the problem when going to sell the car.. plus the registration is onli till sept.. if dun sell by then.. need to extend it.. is money again.. yes.. i'm in need for money now.. i do hope to get back the money then i can do other stuff..

haiz.. i dunoo la.. money is problem.. is the cause.. communication is the catalyst.. no communication make the situation worse.. aiya.. wo ye bu zhi dao.. can i realli be 'not be bother' by all tis.. can i be bo chap.. can i sae i'm already tired le.. let mi be the worst friend of all. then let u ppl hate mi.. sometime i feel like doing things.. but it just cant be done..

i feel that.. we wun get a talk de.. things will remain tis way even till shijia left ba.. i dunno la.. i dunno want.. i dun how things will be diff.. but is already very diff now compare to those times..

what more can i sae abt my paper todae.. i can onli sae.. i will fail this paper for sure.. i dunno wat wrong.. i realli dunno.. i'm getting my phek chek with myself le.. i realli feel like giving up le.. i study and study.. so wat.. i dunno why i cant do the paper even though some of the question did appear in the workshop.. the feeling is so sucky.. why.. why i dunno how to do.. i realli very sad now.. i realli feel like giving up le.. i go sch todae early.. to do the past yr paper.. i just feel very sucky now.. and sorry to tell u guys.. i might not haf a graduation tis july le.. i might not be able to continue Honours le.. i realli feel so.. out of 3 paper i already haf 2 paper and both paper i noe i wun do well.. will i pass anot i also doubt.. so wat's there to do Honours.. i dun think my tis sem grade will allow mi to go for Honours le..

i feeling very disappointed with myself now..

How safe can it be..??

25 Raven Street
Saint Lucia
Queensland 4067
Australia

is not a safe place to stay
it is not a safe place only in this semester

midnight got people banging the house door.
midnight got people outside smoking, tapping the window.
midnight got people come and peek into the house.
midnight got people trying to follow you even if you hide in the room, the person still dun give up go to the window coz they see the light of your laptop.

this is not a home to stay.
especially we are all gers in the house.
is it because the person know this house only stay gers now
or the person is just got nothing better to do?
why this person always wait till 2 plus 3 am
then come and do all this sickening stuff?

just now xiaoying msn mi for HELP
coz the person(a guy we think) is smoking outside her room window again
tapping the window.
is scary i can say
coz i'm the one who heard the Banging of door at 3+am.
i'm afraid too but i know i got to do something
i on the kitchen light then the noise stop
i took up my courage go and on the light of the entrance door.
i'm too scare that someone will be there coz we cant see outside frm our hse
but we know
they can see us.

ziyang and yongsheng rush over to Raven.. they did saw someone at xiaoying's room window.
they horned to warn the person but when they get there.
the person left.
is the same old guy.
special smoke smell.
always come at 2 plus 3 am
doing bo liao stuff at this time of the time
sleep dun wan sleep

there better be no next time if not
i will let this sickening guy die
be pestering, disturbing us for this semester
he better think before he appear again..
the next time.. he will die..!!!

should i or should i not continue?

haiz.. getting more n more disappointed and phek chek with myself le.. didnt manage to wake up today for my 10am de revision lesson.. shit lorz.. haiz.. i guess i realli not the study type.. got revision also cant get myself up.. wat the hell manx.. is realli very angry.. very angry with myself.. haiz.. i als dunno wat i'm hanging on for.. sometime i think.. i should stop aft tis and not continue anymore.. why should i carry on..? even got revision for exams also cant be discipline n pull myself out of the bed.. wat more can i do.. haiz.. i dunno.. i dun even now i can realli make it for Honours or should i realli stop.. stop being a burden to my family oso.. using so much of their money for my studies.. haiz.. money is always the issue.. haiz.. i oso dunno la.. wat if i realli cant make it for Honours?

Father: when you will know you can study Honours?
Me: When the result is out on 2nd July.
Father: then must find house and stuff now, what if never get in how?
Me: Eh... my last semester result can make it la. if this semester still do the same then can get in.
Father: then u let mi see how ba.
Me: orhz
Father: you there still got money ma?
Me: eh.. got not much left le..
Father: ok.. then i TT over..
Me: orhz..
(but throughout the conversation.. he dun sound well)

haiz.. i guess money is realli the issue.. should i carry on..? wat do i actually want out of my life? walking the path that everyone wanted? to get a degree cert? to get Honours? and get a well-paid job? haiz.. but ultimately.. i still need money.. haiz... the sum of money isnt small too.. haiz..

ok.. study study study. got to work hard le.. please.. no sup. paper.. i wanna get good result to continue Honours.. study study..

the heart of the ring

the heart is circled by the ring just like the heart will never leave..
the heart lies where the name of the ring is...
the heart of the ring...




yours is not with me..
if not the right one..
somewhere
will the right one be..

don't hope.don't wish.don't think.don't wait.
don't be silly.
cant find mi anywhere in it.

don't pin hopes.
don't think something will happen
coz
nothing will happen...

this time...
let it be real..
whatever ones say
it makes no impact
no feeling
coz it means nothing at all.
it was only phrase so nicely
to make one feels happy.



don't be stubborn.don't be devoted.don't be silly.
be strong.be brave.be independent.

不是读书的料

just got home... finish my CHEM3004 de exam le.. can onli use 3 word to describe.. buang. flung. chui. haiz.. i nv finish the paper plus got alot of questions i dunno how to do.. watever appears did do in tutorial/workshops before.. but.. nothing come out of my mind.. haiz.. i guess i might fail tis course.. once again.. kena kill by organic chemistry.. i dun even noe i will make it thru anot.. it seems like i might not be able to study Honours le.. if i get a grade 4 i'm more than happie at least is a pass.. but i guess i must haf the mental preparation i'll fail.. just like last sem.. 1st paper.. same.. NMR.. organic chemistry.. i cant think of anything although i did read thru i did remember i did those similar questions.. so wat.. nothing come out of my brain my mind.. haiz.. why must i always go thru tis kind of must take sup. paper de feeling.. is my own fault ba.. not clever enough.. not discipline enough.. not hardworking enough.. haiz.. maybe i realli not a material to study.. 不是读书的料... i just pray is like last sem.. i got a grade 4.. i'm more than happie..

haiz.. dunno la.. not mood.. damn sian.. i also dunno wat i wan now.. sian sian sian..



sorry. i can't meet any of the target.. never..
disappointment.. i'm...

Queen's Birthday todae = Public Holiday

got to stop eating titbits soon le.. i weight myself yesterdae.. i gain 3-4 kg.. OMG... die le la... but then now exam period.. titbits is the one that keep mi going.. cant stop now.. but after exam.. no more supper no more titibits.. got to start jogging and running aft exam le.. but then 1st thing all.. i need a windbreaker coz is cold to run now.. abit regretted didnt took 'that' windbreaker.. but then now dunno should wait till my windbreaker to come or to get another one..

now having some trouble le.. ting cant help mi take over my stuff frm sg le.. coz her baggage allowance will exceed.. hmm.. now left darryl as my choice.. but then he also got lot of things to bring over.. who else is coming to brisbane..? please let mi noe.. i need help to get stuff frm sg over here.. sian sian sian.. haiz.. is so not good to trouble ppl.. but got no choice.. sian la..

tml is CHEM3004 paper le.. the module name is Determination of Molecular Structure.. is about NMR (nuclear magnetic resonance) which is the stuff that cause mi to almost fail one of my last sem course.. CHEM 3004 also about X-ray crystallography, space group, UV, IR blah blah blah.. sian ar.. tml is the 1st paper.. realli praying for exam to be over soon coz i wanna play and have fun.. is so tiring.. hang on for almost 4 months le.. i need a break.. is so tiring.. but i guess i got no choice but continue to walk on.. even without any support or pillar i guess got to hang on.. coz i'm YENWEI..!!! yeah.. i'm ahwei.. i got to just tahan for another 10 days.. then i'm free "for the time being".. haha.. ok.

oh ya.. todae is a public holiday.. is Queen's Birthday.. and i keep forgetting about it then call agent to check on house stuff then realise is PH todae.. they are not open.. ya.. got to wait till tml aft my paper then check out on the house rental thingy le..


不要去爱一个已有男/女朋友的人，你不会想做第三者。
因为你也不希望在你的爱情里有第三者的介入。

no mood to study...

not in the mood to study.. totally no mood.. haiz.. wat happened..? been studying for the past few day till these 2 days i nv study.. haiz.. sian.. wat wrong.. i noe i need to study if not i cant finish wat i'm suppose to study coz the 1st paper is on tues but i'm not done with it.. i'm just half way done but i dun haf the mood to continue le.. sian.. haiz..

study schedule --> 2 days of delay =(

is already 3.20 am now.. cant get to slp.. must be just now slpt till 11pm then wake up.. headache is killing mi.. now feeling better just hope it wun come back.. should study until i fall asleep ba.. study schedule delay for 2 days le.. haiz.. got to work harder to compensate the time that i have missed..


just realised..
cant meet the target that you set..
guess is fate..
the promise.. cant make it happen...
...... .......

just wake up not long ago.. been slping alot todae due to the stupid headache plus imgrain.. haiz.. feeling my head being compressed.. is so damn painful la.. haben start for todae.. haiz.. nv study much yesterdae.. nv study todae.. is 2 days late for my study schedule le.. haiz.. stupid headache.. got to go study liao..

wasnt feeling well todae.. partially coz yesterdae didnt slp well.. was super cold even cover blanket.. was shivering for very long.. maybe an hour.. couldnt slp.. haiz.. then todae wake up at 11am like that is very tired.. so went back to slp.. wake up at 2pm.. feelingg headache.. went to sch to photocopy stuff.. then join ziyang and his classmates to study.. starting was feeling warm.. but then slowly.. start to feel cold even when i wear my jacket.. but i know the room is not cold at all.. know something is not right le.. feel abit giddy plus headache.. then super cold.. then shu wen pass mi panadol.. i eat le decide to go home n slp.. slp for abt 2 hr ba.. then wake up.. now feeling better le.. hope is just for todae.. cannot be sick ya.. tis 2 week very important lehz.. haiz..

is 06/06 todae.. but is 06/06/08.. but it bring mi back to the date 06/06/06.. is a special date i can sae.. it marks something important in my life.. hmm.. ya.. is just a special date that i rmb...

study study study

just got home not long ago.. is already 1am le.. todae progress is not good at all.. i nv achieve much as i expected myself to.. tml got to work harder le.. todae just cant concentrate well.. starting was alright but as time goes.. losing my focus.. feeling tired.. cant get anything into my mind my brain.. then slpt for abt 45 min.. but wake up feel refresh but still cant realli study.. but then at at late nite.. got the feeling le.. but was just abit too late to get started.. sian.. tml must focus concentrate.. got to jiayou jiayou le..

was study but u appeared in my mind.. so i decide to send u a sms but i guess to u is just a normal msg or maybe it wun be anything to u.. but nvm.. i guess tis isnt important now ba.. wat it feel to you i dun need to noe..

study study study.. other than study now is still study.. although i still surf net.. update my blog.. look for hse for rent.. hoping to chit-chat while with friends online.. but then i nv realli tok to anyone much on msn nowadays..


sometime just hope your name will appear on my phone..
sending a msg to wish good luck for exam or just to say jiayou..
but...
..... ......


N.e.H.z.O.a.I.x


because is you.. i just know... ..... .....

been trying to study for this few days.. seems fine although i'm still slack =x but then hopefully i can be able to make it thru tis exam ya =x heez.. all tis got to wait till exam is over n result is out then hope how much hardwork i put in and how much i get back le.. ok.. enuff of craps.. feeling hungry.. but not going to eat.. if not later become too fat coz going to slp soon le.. just bath and is almost 3am now le.. got to slp early ya.. tml got an inspection of hse.. haiz.. realli hope to settle down on a hse soon..

做得到

i love this song.. is nice.. superb nice.. make mi keep listening to it.. going to put it as my blog song when i get home..

罗志祥 - 做得到

试着让身边很吵闹
好好想念你的怀抱
某一秒我竟微笑
体会你扬起的嘴角
悲伤的呼唤

也许在跟自己比较
让你哭过是我不好
太自责话都变少
然而你还是最美好
要让你知道

做得到
不管相爱总会有一些低潮
我爱你
就应该对你越来越好
现在只想忽然把你抱得高高
看着你笑我也笑
别自寻烦恼

做得到
你说再苦也要跟我直到老
我说的
每一个承诺会说到做到
感谢你坚强勇敢
让我很骄傲
你所想要的爱我能做得到

也许在跟自己比较
让你哭过是我不好
太自责话都变少
然而你还是最美好
要让你知道

做得到
不管相爱总会有一些低潮
我爱你
就应该对你越来越好
现在只想忽然把你抱得高高
看着你笑我也笑
别自寻烦恼

做得到
你说再苦也要跟我直到老
我说的
每一个承诺会说到做到
感谢你坚强勇敢
让我很骄傲
你所想要的爱我能做得到
原谅我内心交战让你好难过
我能给你的爱没有做不到

in sch now.. was in sch at 12+ 1 pm la.. but then went to toowong to submit my application form for house rental.. so was back in sch at abt 3pm.. trying to study ya.. did manage to read thru' abit la.. then when feel slpy and tired so play abit of PSP -Bomberman =) my favourite.. bought Merlo coffee to drink to keep myself awake la.. but then cant realli last long coz reading is realli very tiring and will make mi feel slpy.. still trying to work hard ya.. got to start on CHEM3004 soon coz dun realli understand that =x haha.. ok la.. play abit of my bomberman then continue to study le.. abit hungry but then noe i cant realli eat anything now coz my stomach cant put in more stuff le.. heez.. ok..

jiayou jiayou.. soon.. it will be soon.. yes.. GAMBATTE..!!!

9 days-CHEM3004.13 days-CHEM3003.17 days-CHEE4301

went to huixin hse for dinner.. is a gathering for the 7 of us plus her hse mates.. dinner was nice but i still cant talk much.. i dunno why.. i just become very quiet in front of them.. haiz.. i dunno.. realli hope things can be back like last time but most likely it wun be ba.. there is a barrier a wall.. guess a wound will heal.. but it will leave a scar.. haiz.. i oso dunno wat i'm talking abt.. did talk abt all this with hairul.. inside mi i do hope things will be back to normal. but inside mi i also know very well things just cant get back to normal again.. so i choose to move away.. choose to be not bother.. i know tis isnt right but i guess all of us did try something to make it back to normal.. but aft a few attempts.. we choose to let it be tis way ba.. i know is my fault ba..

went clubbing yesterdae nite with ziyang and his classmates and stuff.. all of them i know la... so still ok.. know that i shouldnt go coz i planned to study yesterday.. but feel like going out to relax aft all the submission of assignments..and haf some drinks coz of "something".. i did mention i onli wanna go n drink.. i dun wan dance coz i duno how to dance n i cant dance.. coz i will onli keep laughing n laughing when ppl teach mi to dance or dance infront of mi.. so as usual.. i'm still at the dance floor bcoz i was pull there but i didnt realli dance but i did laugh alot alot until my cheek ache lorz.. haha.. haf some drink.. did feel abit of giddy but i'm still ok.. i drive instead of ziyang coz he drive more than mi la.. but i'm alright coz even when i sleepy not feeling well but when come to driving.. i'm very alert and i will keep myself fresh.. send everyone home before i reach home and KO =x realli too tired le.. but i did haf fun la.. but there was incident happened in the club la. but wun mention much ya..

gotabit headache when wake up todae at 12.. still too tired so went back to slp.. snooze my alarm everything until 3pm then i wake up =x then eat korean instant noodle as my lunch and wash my clothes aft that.. ok.. is time to study le.. planned my study schedule but then is late le.. coz yesterdae nv study.. so todae got to study more le.. jiayou jiayou.. 18 days more i will be free le.. yes.. so endure endure.. i can do it just like wat u sae..

9 days - CHEM3004
13 days - CHEM3003
17 days - CHEE4301