gRadeS....

i decide to go.. coz tis isn't wat u wan and wat u like.. u are perfectly happie with ur life n u are happie with wat u haf ard u.. i'm something which u wun wanna have.. i guess i should go.. if i'm not the one u ever wan n not the one that u will ever consider and think of.. i guess leaving u is better for u n me.. coz u wun feel irritated, u wun feel pressure.. u wun haf to tahan mi.. for mi.. although i still love u.. i do miss u.. but i guess tis is a better solution.. i do think alot.. coz i noe.. i'm something that is bothering u in ur life.. knowing mi is a mistake.. being together with mi was the biggest mistake of ur life which realli make ur life suck.. i noe.. i noe i'm a burden in ur life.. my studies my health my emotions.. i noe.. dun treat it as a need or a responsibilities that u must take.. dun feel guilty or mayb u nv.. i dun wan to be someone u worry for.. i'm trying to cope with my studies although there are super high chance i wun get the grade u will wan but i'm still trying to.. i'm weak n not healthy.. i noe too.. but wat can i do.. i trying to stay healthy.. is not whose fault except is my fault for being bad in health.. yes.. memories do kill mi.. but i'm trying to flood myself with stupid stuff like staring at the tv but duno wat it is showing.. at least i wun think.. i like to keep myself busy although life is still super sian here..

and ya.. talking abt studies.. i guess tis sem wun be easy too.. i'm taking 4 courses.
CHEE 4301 : Nanomaterials & Their Characterisation (chem engineering de course)
CHEM 3003 : Reactivity & Properties of Molecular Systems (study thermodynamics & equilibria too.. haiz.. trying to kill myself too)
CHEM 3004 : Determination of Molecular Structure (the legend super killer module - i'm committing suicide but i haf no choice but watever i got is going to kill mi)
SCIE 3012 : Introduction to Research
and this is the grade that i will foresee for my result after attending tis week lectures...
CHEE 4301 : grade 4 or grade 5
CHEM 3003 : grade 4 or grade 5
CHEM 3004 : grade 4
SCIE 3012 : grade 4 or grade 5
best is i dun get any grade 3 which is failed.. haiz.. i duno la.. i just feel tis sem wun be an easy sem.. n i dun think i can meet the expectation n requirement u set so can save u some money le.. although i will still try to get grade 6.. but i doubt i can get more than one grade 6 n haf no grade 4.. i duno.. but i will try to get a much better result than last sem.. for myself too so that i can get a higher chance of studying Honours. haiz.. duno la.. just see how things go.. something is not that u dun focus or pay attention.. but sometime u just noe no matter how hard u try.. u still cant get the result that u wanted u can onli get certain standard.. ok la.. i duno wat to sae but i can onli tell my dear friends.. i will jia you de. although life here suck.. but i will still jia you.. for myself for u ppl too.. know might not get good result but guess if i try my best then i think i nv dui bu qi whoever ba.. whenever i wanna give up.. i will think of you so i will hang on there.. the motivation the spirit the pushing strength that keep mi going.. thanks for being my strength always although u nv knew that..


u are always here.. bcoz u rooted deeply in my heart & are here to support me always...
do hope i can keep to the promise too. promise that none of us should break.

eMotiOnaL

i guess i getting emotions breakdown.. realli very xin ku.. hiding the emotions.. i need to talk.. but my hse now is just a hse for ppl to stay.. not much interaction anymore.. i realli need to talk to some of my friends.. i realli got no motivation.. i'm living a day as a day.. it is boring but i try to make it not that boring even though it is realli boring.. everyday i wake up i duno wat to do.. my pillar is gone.. the motivation for myself is not there.. coz i cant find that.. i feeling very xin ku.. but i cant expect anything frm anyone especially u coz i got no right to ask anything from anyone.. i choose this path.. although initially it wasnt that tough but now this path alone is realli tough.. going thru days of misery.. i've cried.. dunno for wat.. or mayb i noe bcoz of wat but i got no choice.. the emotion is here.. i try to control in front of everyone.. but back in my room.. i cant control the tears and the 想念 and 思念 i just feel very xin ku.. i do miss my frenz though.. i realli hope they are here so i can talk to them.. tell them how i feel.. i can go out with them.. i realli miss my friends in singapore.. i need to go thru months of this.. i miss u.. but i noe everything is the past.. why do i still hope u can motivate mi.. u can push mi to study well..

when i need to talk to someone.. i found u online.. but u are busy.. who can i talk to now.. i cant expect u to be there for mi always.. i'm just a normal person.. not that special one.



5 months of this.soon 4 months of that

1st experience of CLubBing SUCK..!!!!

went clubbing yesterdae with shijia bernard and his frenz.. 1st time experience clubbing.. it is so noisy.. cannot tahan =x haha.. guess clubbing is realli not my interest la.. haha.. ok la.. at least i went to experience once how clubbing is like in my life.. aha.. sound like mountain tortoise horz.. ya.. i nv club before.. 1st time experience SUCK =x haha.. but guess partially i'm a person who dun realli like english music esp those that are singing things that i dun understand.. haha.. i oso nv go and dance.. haha.. so i just sit down n wait for my friends nia.. but then i got the patience to wait for them for 2-3 hrs.. is ok de.. i can just sit down n wait.. haha.. i haf already train my patience long ago.. heez.. so is fine to mi..

haiz.. i duno why.. the feeling is always there.. guess missing you n thinking of you haf become part of my life long ago.. even till now.. it is still part of my life but i noe i'm nv part of ur life.. but life is more than love.. that is wat my fren sae.. ya.. is more than love but then it is still part of my life.. but then tis part of the life leave one side.. study come first.. haiz.. duno la.. life is boring in aussie.. life is boring in brisbane.. sian... boring boring boring.. haiz...

i miss you...

ok.. is time to blog blog n blog.. coz now is the emo period =( haiz.. i now in brisbane.. very sad.. ok la.. but then must thanks ppl who come n send mi off..

1. Jahankeer
2. Christina
3. Lina
4. Diana
5. Meijie
6. Chunpei
7. Joel
8. Yongzhen
9. Zhixiang

plus my family.. thank you everyone who have come and thanks you everyone who has sms mi also.. thanks.. i will take care de.. noe this time the duration is not 4 months onli.. if might be 10 months or more before i fly back to singapore.. haiz.. i realli miss my frenz.. esp that one.. haiz.. but i noe i must study hard.. although 10 months is realli very long but i noe i need to get thru' this.. haiz.. did cry at the airport just before i board coz that Miss TAN MEIJIE la.. give mi that face then make mi wanna cry lorz. haiz.. u all noe how much i wanna stay how much i realli wanna leave u ppl.. but i noe u all just support mi all the way ask mi jiayou ask mi dun give up.. but i realli miss u all.. i'm back alone here again.. no you no them.. just like 3-4 months ago.. memories here haf sweet n bad.. bad experience here oso but i noe i haf to carry on coz frm the day i chose to study here i noe i might end up alone walking.. thanks everyone for ur support..

thanks for supporting mi always.. u push mi to get my degree for the sake of my future.. u support mi always.. even till now.. i noe i cant let anyone get disappointed.. esp u who support mi since day 1.. but i noe.. relationship is never for mi anymore.. wat more important is studies.. friends and family.. u noe wat position u hold in my life.. it stays the same in the past in the presence and in the future.. the position in my heart.. it stays the same still.. but i noe.. it can onli stay there and cannot be surface coz i'm not the right one.. thank you so much.. coz u let mi got the strength to do everything.. when i wanna give up.. i think of u my frenz n those who support mi.. i noe i haf to carry on no matter how tough it can be.. who can i gumble to.. who can i de-stress to.. who can i emotional to..? i duno.. it never easy living here with u guys and it wun be easy.. who can i talk to..? to who..? haiz.. guess i getting super emotional now ba..

sUpEr tIred

feel super tired now.. fri was my last day of work at Singapore Sports Council(SSC).. my colleague very nice.. gave mi gift also.. is stationery.. alot of them.. is realli useful to mi coz i need to get stationery to bring over as stationery in aussie is kind of expensive.. guess i also will miss those friends and colleague i noe in sports council.. aft work went to my colleague hse(lydia) to bai nian and play mahjong.. then play with her boy who is super cute.. heez.. then we all also lo-hei.. is the first time i did lo-hei which is lao yu sheng.. sound so noob rite =x haha.. but then is realli my 1st time doing that.. aft dinner we play mahjong.. haha.. is nice hanging out with them.. actually wana go to airport at ard 12 to send wee kiang and benny lo off coz they are flying to taiwan for their mission/exercise.. ya.. they OCS de.. but then end up nv went to send them off but luckily i met them for dinner on valentine day le.. so dun feel that bad

the reason that i nv went to airport coz he called mi when i'm still at my colleague de hse.. left 2 game ask my another colleague take over mi and i go off coz something urgent i need to attend to.. try to look for his brother.. from 12 till 1 plus 2 am still cant find.. end up we went to changi village to eat nasi lemak and to see those "ladies" haha.. ok la.. end up reach home at 3 plus.. but still cant find his brother even aft supper we continue to look for him for awhile.. haiz. he look super tired and worried for the brother.. sorrie i cant help u much nv even get to find ur brother.. but is good that he is safe back home now.. u take care also ba.. i noe u got ur own problems and wat is in ur mind also make u mentally tired.. some of the things just dun think le ba..

ok.. yesterdae went to rhoda de 21st birthday at NSRCC (tanah merah safra).. we didnt stay for long coz we all went to catch movie at 10+.. mi and chunpei meet kenneth yeo they all for movie at 10.10pm at PS and meijie bernice and diana watch movie at The Cathay at 11pm.. we watch The Jumper while meijie they all watch P.S I Love You.. then aft our movie our group when to Minds Cafe.. then meijie they all finish their movie got come over and da zhao hu.. then at 2+ chunpei they all sae wanna go off le.. then sae meijie they all nearby.. i join them then i can send them home oso la.. if not take cab super expensive lorz.. we got chat alot.. mostly on poly and relationship things la.. everyone got their own problems and troubles.. we realli miss poly life.. haiz... reach home at 6 plus aft sending 3 of them home.. we onli left at 4.30 that y so late then reach home.. then todae 10 am my father wake mi up sae need to go temple coz i this year "fan tai sui".. then somemore going overseas le so when go pray pray...

leaving SG in 3 days times.. haiz... 2oth Feb is coming so fast.. guess i will onli be back in late Dec or maybe is early jan le.. if result not good equal cant take Honours then i will be back in July le.. this year graduation got nobody coming.. left mi alone.. haiz.. family not coming coz they coming for Honours de so i die die also must study Honours.. and my 21st will be in aussie too.. haiz.. ok.. will post the photos up later when i get back my laptop from zhixiang..

if i'm not able to get 2 grade 6 and 2 grade 5.. you wun fly over for my graduation.. but will you fly over for my Honours then.. although i do hope u will appear for both the graduation.. but i will work hard for that de.. coz is my result too.. i will wanna do well too..

it was on the 29th Oct 07.. mark that date in the heart.. that date is marked in my life forever..

this few days will not have my laptop with mi.. feel so weird.. laptop with zhixiang coz he help mi install programs n stuff coz my laptop was re-format.. hmm.. so nowadays blogging during office hour =x haha.. yesterdae went to Funan IT mall to get my camera..!! YEAH..!! i bought a camera.. CANON PowerShot A650.. 12.1 Megapixel.. heez.. so HAPPIE.. is my 1st camera.. haha.. although is sae i buy la.. but then is my father give money de =x haha.. coz i tell him i wanna get a camera then ask him if ask his company buy will it be cheaper anot.. then he ask mi i buy to bring over to australia i sae ya.. then when he tell mi the camera cost $600.. is much cheaper than the price i saw at Best which cost $669.. hmm.. but then my father he gave mi money to buy la i nv ask him for money =x haha.. so i buy lorz.. I'M SUPER HAPPIE..!! i got my own personal camera.. all to myself =) wahaha..

ok.. todae is Valentine day.. wishing all the loving couples out there en en ai ai forever.. as for those who are single.. wish u all faster find your that Miss Right or Mr Right soon.. as for mi.. haha.. i found him but then i wun go for him coz.. STUDIES is my 1st priority now.. as long as you are happie with ur life now.. i will still wish u all the best de.. if i'm realli not the right one i oso hope u will find ur right one.. just realise i never celebrate valentine day in my life.. the onli time that i celebrate before was late year.. guess valentine day will just be another normal day to me instead of special occasion..

CALLING PEOPLE who are INTERESTED in getting PSP SLIM.. currently there is a WHITE PSP SLIM with 4GB memory with modified version 3.8 for SALE..!! brand new.. with headphone, crystal case, pouch, strip, USB cable, audio wire, UMD case blah blah...... the price range for sale is $420.. if interested, price can be negotiate.. need to sell it by 19th Feb.. if not.. i haf to use it myself or it will rot in my house for years.. PLS help by asking ard.. thanks..

waiting for the person you love can be tiring and heart aching but if you really love that person.. your love for him/her will take away all the pain.. what left is only the sweetness and the determination to wait and wait with a smile.. changing isn't a bad thing if you are changing to be better..

just went running with jane during lunch time.. we start running at ard 12.50-1pm like that.. then come back to office at 1.30pm.. not bad la.. 30 mins running.. or mayb should sae is jogging =x coz our speed is so slow n we were so tired n the sun oso kind of get hotter when we start running.. we run for quite a long distance i should sae coz i seldom run for so long.. for mi is like training always run at kallang netball centre if not run to stadium then come back liao.. this time we run to indoor stadium then cross the bridge then run at those condo area then end up coming back from Fort Road.. i wanted to give up le coz my ankle de bone or muscle there is given mi problem can feel the strain n pain.. then somemore plus yesterdae bring over de giddy-ness n headache.. wahz.. realli feel like vomiting liao.. tot running like this can help mi feel better but then like dun haf.. if this carry on must go see doctor liao.. dunno wat wrong.. ok la.. haf a chat with jane.. haha.. todae is my 3rd last day at work liao.. friday last day of work.. then she jio mi go running should go coz i'm getting fatter.. haha.. must slim down =)

ok.. maybe i should say now ba.. guys.. i'm LEAVING in 7 DAYS time..!!
Flight on the 20th Feb 08 (wed) @ 11.45pm at Terminal 3..
dunno is anyone coming to send mi off anot la.. is also not important la coz next day most ppl got work n study.. so is ok.. i'll be at the airport like ard 9+pm or mayb even early for dinner.. still not sure yet but will be early there to check in luggage.. this time i fly off.. most ideal case is i pass my coming semester with very good result then i can carry on studying Honours but still will haf my Bachelor(degree) de graduation on the July 14th that week.. then carry on studying Honours till maybe late Nov or early Dec come back for a break then aft that haf to fly off again to complete my Honours la.. will haf another graduation again.. but think my parent will onli come for my Honours de graduation.. so my Degree de graduation should be alone ba.. then my 21st birthday also.. haiz.. my friends are all in Singapore.. meijie sae she maybe will fly over la but then i think that wun happen la.. air ticket cause alot le.. duno la.. alone then alone ba.. hmm.. but then before my graduation in tis july most likely will shift hse.. lease end in june.. haiz.. alot of things to do.. mafan.. ok.. let mi noe if anyone of u are going ba.. but dun think much ppl read my blog.. haha..

YENWEI.. you must JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU... cannot give up so easily.. is ur future.. GAMBATTE..!!! prove to the others.. 你是行的 你做得到的 你是最棒的

tHanks for the talk..

Now at work.. having super headache(duno wat is the cause) n was late for work todae coz yesterdae wanted to set alarm clock before I slp but dunno y I slpt before I could even set it.. yesterdae night went over to his place to visit his mum n to pass new year goodies… his mum still treat mi very good.. she even specially cook one of my favourite dish (ma you ji) for mi to eat.. n she cook a lot and ask mi to bring home to eat coz sae I in Australia cant eat le.. make mi so paiseh.. the feeling was so weird eating at his hse.. although I used to did that in the past but now things are different so the feeling is really kind of weird.. but the chicken was really very nice.. then while waiting for his mum coz she got work to do.. I play poker card wif yong jie.. actually I tot auntie wanna tok to mi coz she sae aft her work at 9.30 she will talk to mi so I wait lorz.. then at 9.30 like that his mum sae she need to go out.. later come back then talk to mi ask mi wait for him to come back oso.. it sound weird.. but I stay to wait for his mum but not him la but then he come back frm bball before his mum come back.. so the atmosphere was weird again..

We did greet each other with a hello n happie new year.. but just feel weird.. n the brother straight away go to his room to slp when he come back so left mi n him in the living room to talk.. ok.. but this time is really got talk ba.. he ask mi to say out my xin li hua.. ok lorz.. I just tell him whatever I feel since I haf been keeping inside mi for so long n really make mi feel kind of xin ku oso.. saying out wat is deep inside my heart make mi feel better oso.. dunno why sometime talk to u the tears just cant control just roll down like that.. sometime talk to u can talk rubbish with u n stuff.. but I noe our status now is onli fren.. u sae u always treat mi as a fren n hope I can treat u as fren too.. yes.. I treat u as a friend but a fren that I like but then the liking part can just stay one side first coz I’m leaving in a week time.. I choose to wait for u coz I really feel u r the right one but maybe I’m not the right one for u but I will still wait.. thanks for telling mi to sae out wat I feel coz keeping inside mi oso very xin ku coz I oso duno who can I tell all this thoughts n feeling too.. I noe going thru this stage of “friends" is kind of difficult n weird feeling.. but I noe if I really wanna wait.. everything should start all over from friends.. onli as friends we can stay in contact.. I noe I have changed a lot.. I oso dunno y such a big change to mi.. but there is something that cause mi to change for the better.. u n I noe wat is that.. but I choosing my studies now.. that is my first priority although u are always somewhere near there but I noe studies is more important than anything else.. as for u.. I noe u are choosing a path that make u feel relax.. I wun add any pressure or unwanted attention from u.. as long as now u are happie n fine i'm fine with it.. coz I believe.. the u that I wan is someone who cares n love mi from the bottom of ur heart.. I noe wat I wan in my life.. I’m looking forward to my future although this path I will be walking alone now but guess it will make mi stronger and better.. if walking alone now will bring a better person into my life in the future.. I rather I haf the hard time now by myself n enjoy the sweet time with the one in the future.. thanks for everything.. I felt better after yesterdae talk.. thanks for the talk.. u noe wat i'm choosing in my life.. studies and wait.. n i dun look weak or wat health not good or qiao cui la.. i'm ok.. u no need worry.. still so strong n so big size.. haha..

zhixiang thanks for the supper too although dunno wat is the cause that make mi so giddy and wanna vomit.. haha.. but is feel good to meet up with u 2.. n thanks for helping with mi my laptop.. paiseh to trouble u but thanks alot for willing to help mi.. xie xie ni =)


Remember our promise and 打勾勾 盖手印.. keep the promise..

just got home.. went for manicure and pedicure with meijie today.. left office at 4.45pm.. took super long to find a parking slot in the carpark.. coupons cheaper.. appointment is at 5.30pm de.. but then when mi reach there they sae dun haf our appointment.. is meijie sis help us make appointment de.. dunno wat is wrong la.. no appointment but luckily they still help us do manicure and pedicure.. then aft that we went to eat at Hong Guo at Parco Basement 1.. the food not bad la.. then aft that we went to walk walk at Parco coz when doing manicure that time i told meijie i write a new year card for yongzhen mother.. then she sae i sae also buy some goodies and give to her personally.. partially is scare he will be at home that y i nv dare to go find his mum and i noe auntie is busy oso.. but before i go i got give her a call.. luckily she is at home.. he is not at home.. guess is a good start coz toking to auntie feel so relax.. got alot of updates and news of you from her.. noe u are doing fine.. that's great.. hope ur health will be alright too.. tok quite long with auntie.. then u called back ur home.. ur mum ask mi tok to u.. the feeling is awkward.. then just before we wanna leave u called back again.. u told ur mum u r still far from home.. but suddenly u appeared.. i'm lost.. suddenly duno how to react.. the feeling is awkward.. luckily got meijie there.. she tok to u more than i tok to u.. the atmosphere was weird.. i noe u are trying very hard to talk to mi so both of us wun feel shy or awkward.. but realli thanks alot.. u look much fitter.. but i dun dare to look at u into ur eye.. i dun dare to see u directly.. but u look fitter, fine to mi.. that will be enough..

i guess todae is realli a great step into my future life.. i got to chit chat with auntie after so long.. not i dun wan go visit u.. but i oso scare u forget mi le.. but i noe u nv =) i'm so happie.. as for u.. we are moving on with our life.. going the way we wan now.. as in the future.. we wun noe wat will happen.. that is wat ur mum sae too.. but now u are happie with ur life.. that good.. noe u will be going to america and spain in may.. do take care of ur health.. i realli hope to receive good new that the hole is not there anymore.. i'll pray for that.. as for my graduation.. hope auntie will come coz she sae if can she will come.. as for u.. i dun think u will wanna come ba.. but.. i see u todae.. i duno how to react.. is awkward feeling.. i tot i wun see u during this period of my time in SG.. but i'm flying away le.. during all tis while i will pray u are happie and safe and sound..

take care..

Josie's 21st birthday..

haf a busy wkend coz is josie de 21st birthday.. on fri evening meet yongsheng grevin they all for dinner coz yongsheng clebrate his birthdae(which is on 5th feb) in advance coz he scare on wkday alot of ppl cant make it.. haf dinner at cafe cartel.. yongsheng treat =x haha.. ok la. he treat everyone that day.. somemore i went for the dinner partially is also to pass him my hse key(australia de hse) coz he n ziyang staying at our hse first before they find their own hse there.. anyway the hse will be empty ma so let them stay lorz.. aft dinner me shuting and nicholas went to josie de chalet at Aranda country club.. play mahjong overnight with josie's bf (chungxian), nicholas n my brother.. then morning went for breakfast at mac at downtown east.. then aft that went cycling.. cycling was fun plus emotional.. coz we cycle to pasir ris park which i haf memories of him.. i duno why.. i just feel mixed emotions and i missed him.. then after cycling at 12+ we went back chalet.. bathed then slpt at 1+ then 4 like that shuting they all wake mi up coz need to drive to josie de father restaurant there to get food.. then aft get the food i send shuting n nicholas home coz shuting got reunion dinner then aft that i drive from her hse go dunman there coz senlin at her nephew hse for birthday party oso.. on the way from bedok to there.. i pass by SAFRA.. i saw yongjie(his bro) crossing the road.. another mixed emotions again.. haiz.. i guess i can nv forget him.. then aft pick up senlin went to fetch josie de mother oso.. then we return to chalet.. then we faster decorate the room coz we just got the decor things from shuting hse.. luckily the rest haf finish blowing all the balloons..

meet quite a no. of my secondary sch friends there but that stupid ronnie tan n hari haran nv come.. sian 1/2.. the brithday party was fun although i nv help much la =x haha.. but glad to see so mani of my friends.. but i'm flying away in less than 3 weeks time.. i duno why.. all the 21st birthday parties that i had attended.. everyone love one is there.. as for mi.. i lost that one.. always wanted to celebrate my 21st in singapore with him.. but.. now.. there isnt a him there for mi.. seeing people around with with their love ones by their side i happie n glad for them.. as for mi.. i onli can feel 心酸 and 心痛 ba.. coz he will never return and is i caused him to leave me.. is a good thing for him also ba.. he need his gf to be good n be able to pei him n i'm flying to australia again le.. this time will be longer ba.. i wun return so soon le.. maybe i realli will choose to stay in australia longer tis time n maybe working over there will be one of my option.. but now honours will come first.. hope my result can make it for honours which mean another year to go.. if not.. my graduation will be this july.. on the 14th July 2008 that week le.. who is coming over.. no one is flying over to attend my graduation.. no one will be there for my 21st birthday if i'm studying Honours.. haiz..


i miss him.. i realli miss him.. miss him alot alot..