傻瓜

温岚 - 傻瓜
nice song

徐若瑄 - 好眼泪坏眼泪
also another nice song


就做一辈子的傻瓜吧


6 days to 1st exam paper. 16 days to last exam paper.
19 more days of toughness n pains here... how long more can i endure tis pains? haiz..

I HATE NUCLEAR POWER

I HATE NUCLEAR POWER..!!!! who the hell care whether is it green or can nuclear power be green.. IDIOT who create nuclear.. u caused mi to think so much to think whether can it be GREEN..! aRgHhh....


9 days to 1st exam paper. 19 days to last exam paper.
22 more days of toughness n pains here... how long more can i endure tis pains? haiz..

LAST day of LECTURES...

todae is so called end of semester. todae is the last day of lectures n stuff. next week is revision week then aft that the next 2 week is exam week le. but then mon n wed still going back to sch. need to do my nuclear eassy le. monday is submission le. cannot drag anymore le. even though how much i dun wanna write that essay i die die oso must write it out so i can do 1 less qn during the exam for that part. wed got so called revision day for chem 2041 is go there to ask lecturer qn that u dun understand in the lectures or in the past yr papers.

haf been telling myself. just endure thru' this 23 days n i'll be back to singapore to my friends to the place where i'm familiar with. it realli tough to get thru all these days but i already endure n kena tortured n suffer for so long le.. just endure awhile more i will be back to my friends.. i realli miss them.. haiz.. sometime i realli regretted making tis choice of coming over here but i'm already here just get thru' it ba.. 1 of the friend i noe here she is giving up le. she is not going to study next sem. just 1 more sem she'll get the degree cert le but she choose to let go.. she dun feel like studying le.. she sae she dun wanna waste her money n time here le.. but is realli quite wasted.. she study for almost 1 yr just 1 more sem she will get her degree le.. she study 1.5 yrs coz she is frm chem engineering so she haf less exemption.. but then is realli kind of wasted.. sometime we also do think of giving up.. but give up le will realli waste alot of ppl the time n money n waste ppl de effort of supporting u to come here n realli will make them sad n disappointed... sometime is realli bcoz of all tis tt y we keep pushing ourselves to carry on n dun give up.. sometime we were talking actually we r realli working hard for that cert just for tt cert to make our life better n to make our family n friends proud of us.. but is that wat we realli wan? is just the path of life ba.. study n study.. study to get better pay.. work just to get the pay.. study just to get the better pay. is that wat we wan? but dun think we can choose coz that is life.. either u study if not u work.. unless u r lucky n born rich n dun need to bother abt working or study coz money wun be a problem to u.. but guess normal ppl like us haf no choice but to work hard to earn money ba.. guess in life alot of things we cant choose ba.. but then i'll still work hard toward my aim n target.. although i dunno will i meet it n has it the way i wan in the end i think at lease i tried le then other than regretted for nv try try till best oso nth to do liao.. haha.. oso dunno wat i'm going to sae le... i can onli sae i realli hope i can get out of tis situation soon.. i dunno is it the right choice but i already make it le n i'm here le.. so can the 1 yr faster pass.. haiz.. something i noe i might not be able to get it but i noe i dun give up n keep trying.. someday i might get it if nt i might get some other reward out from it.. if i dun try at all i definitely wun get it.. so wat to sae.. 永不放弃 ! yeah.. ppl can sae i'm stubborn ppl can sae i'm realli is a tough person.. dun care how u guys look at it.. some can sae is bad point of mi some can sae is good point of mi.. but then.. i noe wat i wan n i noe i haf to work hard n faster get out of tis tiring life.. study is tired but i noe working is tired too. but at least i'm in singapore i still got my friends i can meet them n stuff.. at here.. realli miss them alot..

as for that special friend.. i'm still working hard.. i'm nt giving up on anything.. although nth can change ur mind now but hope some days months or years down the road.. u will change ur mind n u realli feel the change in mi n feel that i'm the right ger.. although i dunno will i still be able touch ur heart but i guess it is nt important now.. mayb i'm not the kind of ger that u wan now n even i become better i still might not be ur cup of tea by then. but i believe as long as i change for the better is good enough le.. be friend might be a good way to noe whether we realli suit each other n to understand each other more ba.. i can also use time to test myself how deep n how much i actually love u n wat is the feeling i haf for u.. take it as a test for myself ba.. u might be the right one now but u might not be the right one in the future.. no one noe the answer for tis.. i might not be the right one now but mayb i might be the right one in future.. no one can answer tis question too.. just take it as a test to test myself. i guess i need to go thru' alot to noe wat is the right one for mi ba.. tis is different stage of life that i must go thru' to grow up ba.. stages of life.. is tough n painful to go thru' all tis but i noe aft all the rain n storm.. i will see the rainbow le.. =) 期待着雨后的彩虹


10 days to 1st exam paper. 20 days to last exam paper.
23 days...

Black out again ! dotz..

black out at my hse again.. tis is the 2nd time le.. it seems like the whole street or.. even shijia hse which is another street oso black out.. everytime got heavy thunder storm or wat will haf chances of black out happening.. dotz.. so scary.. using the com then sudden everything turn off n black out.. i faster cover my ear.. i hate thunder.. i hate the sound of it.. just feel like here is not safe.. i hate black out..

........

....... .......


2 days to revision week. 11 days to 1st exam paper. 21 days to last exam paper.
24 days...

can someone kill mi for mi pls.. tell mi how to stop that sudden feeling frm coming.. save mi from the pain of head going to burst heart very pain head very pain n cant breathe properly. or kill mi pls..

stress or slack?? haha

regrets are killing mi softly n slowly.. haf to fight with that if nt i will not haf good sleep for the rest of my life.. regrets will stay forever but u cant do anything to mend it or to cure it or to forget it or watever.. so just leave it there.. keep yourself busy so u wun haf time to think n feel the pain n ache.. yes yes.. i'll be busy for the rest of my life.. is kind of escaping from the problems but it will be good dun deal with it rather than having ownself feeling the pain n not able to sleep n still cant solve the problems.. right right? haha.. my purpose here is to study not to spend my time here to forget things.. someone tell mi tis.. ya.. so i should set my priority in my studies n dun waste time n effort to think n to let go n to forget.. the one who tell mi this thanks for tis.. although still will think at times but noe i need to spend those time on my studies instead.. noe cant let go that soon n that easily so dun go think abt it.. focus on studies.. that is the 1st thing to think n do.. just leave things as it is n enjoy my life n days while i can.. the rest leave to the future n anything aft that then say ba.. yeah yeah.. that it.. settle liao.. no regrets dun think abt it or changing it..just stick to it anything else leave to future.. dun think of anything else.. EXCEPT STUDY !!! coz EXAM IS LESS THAN 2 WEEKS ! ! !

stress stress but still slack slack =x opps.. haha.. assignment essay write up.. opps.. it seems like i still got alot of things to stress.. omg.. sometime realli hope i can haf some pills that can ease mi frm tis pain manx.. some pills to make mi rmb everything that is taught in lessons.. haha.. dunno which idiot go n think of so mani mechanism synthesis all tis.. still got so mani analytical de thingy n go n invent polymer.. idiots ppl who invent or found tis.. idiot people will get Nobel prizes.. haha.. dunno y it seems like it so easy that they get Nobel prize coz since i study here like they abit abit get prize liao =x haha..

still cant feel the exam is coming stress.. or is i too stress until i nv realise or mayb i'm just too slack.. haha.. ppl slap mi to wake mi up lehz.. haha.. if nt will not get good results.. haha.. but then to my friends u all noe that if u slap mi i'll slap u back de =x wahaha.. ok la.. lame.. need to go start my assignment if not nuclear essay will pull my result down.. ok.. jiayou ba.. but i HATE NUCLEAR.. nuclear seem like a strange to mi.. dunno anything abt it n it seems of more like guy n engineering ppl de interest.. ok.. nvm.. feel like slping liao =x haha.. feel like slping now !


3 days to revision week. 12 days to 1st exam paper. 22 days to last exam paper.
25 days...

shit shit shit

i sae i wanna slp but then my body realli very tired but then cant get into slp.. starting feel can fell aslp liao then change my position then cant slp back liao.. sian 1/2.. arghh.. i'm so so so tired... shit manx.. lie there so cant slp.. die liao.. later at night how to chiong my result sheet.. is realli shit le la.. =x

PRESENTATION IS OVER ! ! !

sometime happy happen today.. haha.. no la.. is just that FINALLY MY PRESENTATION IS OVER ! ! so scary so nervous.. haha.. todae mi n xiaoying present our topic on "HOW MUCH OIL IS ACTUALLY LEFT? " then for the presentation we were like "erm" "ah" realli very nervous lorz.. then xiaoying present 1st then i realli feel so nervous beside her lorz.. then come to my turn.. is realli like "OH SHIT" i dunno wat i'm talking.. i dun dare to look at the audience.. then i just read n sae then my english not good de lorz.. realli is the longest that i spoke in english n in proper english n feel so stressed.. then aft the presentation is the "Q&A" section.. is realli "OH MY GOD!" haha.. dun understand wat is the person speaking or asking just like they dun understand us.. their english we dun realli understand then our english they also cant catch it.. then got 1 person ask us question we ask him to repeat 3 times =x coz we realli cant catch or understand wat he is asking.. starting still ok then slowly he is like mumbling that kind.. then mi n xiaoying keep "huh-ing" haha.. but finally is over.. realli is abit relax now.. i dun like presentation de coz i noe my english not good.. but end of it our lecturer tell us "is a good presentation. well done" haha.. dunno is to consol us anot coz we noe actually we didn't do well la coz 1 of the student onli gave us 15/20 nia.. haiz.. sian 1/2.. then when leaving the room 1 of the local student tell mi "nice presentation. interesting" haha.. then i oso dunno how to react to him i just smile n sae "thank you" haha.. but then end of the presentation my lecturer oso sae "can u gers stop giggling?" haha.. but then i'm just too stress up too scare but on the other hand we feel very relax aft the presentation is finally over.. so we keep laughing n smiling especially we realli cant understand wat the others is talking =x hehe.. ok..

STUFF TO COMPLETE :

1. CHEM 3009 Experiment 6 Result sheet - due TML !!
2. CHEM 3007 Assignment 2 (Polymer dunno watever thingy de) - due 26/10/07 (fri)
3. CHEM 2041 Experiment 3 Write-up - due 26/10/07 (fri)
4. CHEM 3009 Essay - part of EXAM (Can NUCLEAR POWER bE GREEN?) - due 29/10/07 (mon)

THINGS TO PREPARE FOR EXAMS :

1. CHEM 2056 past year paper - 25/10/07 (go thru' during tutorial lesson)
2. CHEM 2041 - Summary Sheet for MECHANISM & SYNTHESIS REACTIONS
3. CHEM 3009 - Problem sheet & Article to read thru' & analysis
4. CHEM 3007 - ANSWER Questions gave by Lecturers
5. CHEM 2041 - DATE WITH JOHN MCMURRY (haha.. my textbook de author la)
6. Practise past year papers ! ! !

ok.. i noe i'm tired.. i dunno y oso.. getting very tired easily recently.. sometime in class like wanna slp but then die die oso must open my eyes.. last week of lectures liao must pay attentions for TIPS =x haha.. ok la.. but i'm just getting very tired.. xiaoying also feel she get tired easily nowadays.. oso dunno y.. might be due to all the assignment essay reports all tis submissions.. realli worn us out.. ok.. i need to go take some nap le.. tired.. nitez.. but now is 5pm + le.. wahaha.. see u guys in my lalaland.. nitenite..


4 days to revision week. 13 days to 1st exam paper. 23 days to last exam paper.
26 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...

eXaM eXam eXaM.. faStEr oVer LeHz.. =x

something happened but think wun wanna blog le.. blog good things in the future onli.. but for the time being there wun be good things to blog coz my SEMESTER EXAM IS IN 2 WEEKS TIME ! ! ! stress but still cant start study.. still got reports.. essay.. n assignments to do.. ok.. yenwei is time to jiayou le.. GAMBATE.. soon exams will be over =) wahaha.. haben think of exam think of aft exam le.. guess i'm going crazy le.. m i realli getting too stress? dunno.. mayb lost my mind le.. got crazy liao.. haha..


5 days to revision week. 14 days to 1st exam paper. 24 days to last exam paper.
27 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...

我累了

我累了…… 我真的很累了……
感到好疲惫…… 我已精疲力尽了……
我快要崩溃了……


can i just die here? my kneecap is giving mi pain le.. haiz..

WHAT U WANNA DO IN THE FUTURE ? ? ?

just wake up not long ago.. is awake by my dreamz.. haf a few weird dreamz throughout the nite.. but noe they r just dreamz.. i haf to come back to reality.. they r just dreamz that will onli appear in my lala-land(dreamland).. they will nv appear in the real world.. i noe it very well.. but dunno y i can feel my heart aching when i'm dreaming.. the heart aching wake mi up from the dreamz.. they r suppose to be sweet dreamz.. but in the dream i look so well n ok.. but the real mi that r dreaming r like repelling tis "dream" mi.. my body feel totally the different things to the "dream" me.. haiz.. noe y people sae sometime they rather stay in the dreams n dun wake up.. but now for mi.. i wanna stay in my dreamz my body oso dun let.. i already feel so pathetic now le cant it just let mi stay in my dreamz for longer time.. cant realli rmb wat r all the dreamz about but there are alot of different parts.. but now i'm awake le.. back to the real world le.. the world which i dun like wat it is now.. it realli make mi feel i'm living 1 day by 1 day here.. used to love my life alot in the past.. got alot of things to look forward to.. not onli him but still got others.. i'll look forward to meet my frenz for gathering for gossiping n stuff.. i'll look forward to netball.. but now my life no him no frenz for gathering no netball.. haiz..

i nv look forward to study de.. actually i used to be hardworking at a certain part of my life.. i dun rmb studying for PSLE.. i do rmb studying for 'O' level but there r relationship problems for me at that point of time.. i do rmb studying very hard of my poly yr 1 de exam.. then as years go by.. i become more slack.. i still study.. but i guess i'm satisfied with the result i get so i nv put in alot more effort coz i think i did good enough n better than wat i expected but not as good as others la.. actually that day during 1 of my lectures, the lecturer ask us haf we think of wat r we going to do in the future.. i realise i dun haf.. actually i realise long ago i dun haf a "REAL" target that i wan.. i'm just studying now to get a degree cert 1st which every1think that a degree cert is more important than anything else.. but wat m i going to do aft i get my degree cert n return to singapore?? wat area do i wanna work in.. i dunno.. i realli dunno.. from the start i took Chemical Process Technology is coz i fail my O level eng.. then my best few subject is chinese maths n chem.. so i took up CPT.. then now i continue n take up Bachelor in Sciene (Chemistry) is bcoz is the onli thing i can carry on with.. i dun like business or engineering.. so i rather carry on to study wat i study for the past 3 years n dun waste my 3 years for studying something that i'm not going to use in the future.. so i took Chemistry.. but wat m i going to work as in the future.. everyone haf their own plan n noe wat area they r interested in.. but for mi.. it seems like dun haf.. actually my 1st aim is to be a PE teacher but too bad i'm not offer for as a PE teacher but as a CHinese teacher.. so my PE teacher is a past le.. now i study Chemistry.. so m i suppose to be a chemist? m i suppose to like Production, QC, Pharmaceutical all tis? i nv noe wat i wan in my life.. is not that i never think but i think i give alot of ppl the feeling that i dun think.. i DO think.. but i nv tell anyone abt tt.. i THINK more than u guys thought but i nv show or mentions to u ppl.. or should sae actually i think alot.. but even though i think for so long.. i still dun haf an answer to wat i'm going to do in the future.. xiaoying wanna be a teacher, michelle wanna be a tai-tai.. haha.. for mi.. starting de mi wanna study then go back work in some chemistry based industry n be with him happily.. that is wat i wan.. but then is bcoz of wanting to do my best n let him be proud of mi n nv regret to be with mi n support mi all the way.. n with a degree cert i can haf a better future n better pay n money wun be a problem in the future to us.. but sometime i realise that do think but i think TOO FAR AHEAD.. i nv think that 1 day this dream will be totally shattered.. guess is bcoz i think that we r so in love with each other we wun separated n will be together for very very long de.. but then the truth is already out.. ya we r so in love with each other but the time has already past.. u love mi no more.. no more i can sacrifice tis for u i can compromise u for tis.. i can bcoz of love u n wanna be with u i endure ur bad points n believe things can work out de n u will change for mi 1 day de.. but is the past le.. although that was realli my dreams for the past 1.5 years.. but the dream will never come true le.. sometime think too far ahead realli is not right.. tis 1.5 years i'm studying so hard bcoz i wan u to study hard n dun gif up on ur studies coz i still believe u can make it to a university de.. no matter how bad ur result r i believe 1 of the Uni in australia will take u de but is less or no exemption for u but u still can make it to Uni.. i didn't wan u to gif up on ur studies n fail any of the module coz i noe that will make it worst that u wun wan to continue study le.. i been trying my best to study n do well in every area like studies like netball so that it will make u feel that is bcoz of u u make mi become better n that will make u feel satisfaction.. i choose to hang on here no matter how tough it is here bcoz i scare i'll make u worry.. i choose to do alot of things for u for my family for everyone.. i guess i'm like living for others not for myself.. i nv like to study but i noe i need a degree cert so i die die oso must get a degree cert.. i'm slack but i still will study coz i noe wat i wan is a DEgree cert. but i didn't noe wat i wan in my life aft the degree cert.. i used to think that aft i get my degree cert n go back to SG.. i'll be with u n i'll find some nice paid job tt i like.. that will be my life.. n with some netball on friday n gathering with friends on some days coz every1 will be busy with life but need to catch up with each one life.. but i realise wat i wan for my life wasn't there le..

my lecturer sae he oso nv think of wat he wan when he study in Uni.. he onli noe he need to study to get a degree cert.. then aft he got his degree cert he dunno wat to do but his lecturer ask him do honours.. so he think "oh.. i just need to sign the form that is a simple thing" so he continue his honours.. then aft he got his honours.. he still dunno wat he wanna doing in his life.. then he continue to do his PhD.. then his supervisor during his PhD ask him "what u wanna be in the future".. my lecturer sae he "DUNNO".. so the supervisor tell him "OK, u will be a Professor in the future" so now he become a professor n thanks to him supervisor he develop interest in polymer science.. haiz.. mi n xiaoying was saying.. "dunno wat to do then end up with a PhD also not bad lehz" haha.. guess tis case wun happen on mi coz i noe i wun wanna continue honours here.. i kind of dun like tis Uni.. mayb i'll like it someday but now i definitely wun wanna take Honours here.. mayb i go back work n if i realli wan then study part time Masters or wat ba.. last time my life was planned n i realli thought of wat i wan but i nv tell u abt it.. but now it seems like i oso dun need to tell u wat i wan coz i need to restart my plan coz the "you" in my future plan is missing le.. although i still dream that the "you" will be there but in reality the "you" is gone without turning ur head back to noe how important u r to mi.. but.. wat done is done.. i think i realli need to think of wat i wan in the future but i've been thinking for the past few months n years.. i still got no answer even though there was once mi haf tis dream n plan to fulfill.. but is a dream n plan that can put aside coz it wun be of use again.. guess i'm nv in ur future plan.. although i realli wish my dream n plan can come true but i guess it clear that it wun come true le.. although i wan it so much that u will turn n walk back to my life but i think the day wun come.. i hope u walk back bcoz u realli need mi in ur future plan n dream n is not bcoz i force u too.. haiz.. but u already walk away from mi le.. i dunno will u still walk back.. but everyone is asking mi to move on.. i'm moving on but still hoping that 1 day u'll be moving with mi.. but that is just silly thought.. move on ba.. dun let others wry for u le... u have been a burden for so long.. isn't it long enough le.. u noe u haf to handle tis by urself.. if can handle it will be a great thing but not then just keep it in u n stop letting ppl wry for u..

i oso dunno i'll be like diana for how long.. to love a guy n be with the guy n love him without wanting anything from him, just wanna stay by his side and ignore the fact that the guy dun love u.. diana sae it is tough but she been thru' it for 2-3 years n onli she love zhihao.. it isn't easy for a ger to love a guy so wholeheartedly even knowing that the guy wun love her even with the guy telling her that he wun love her. i used to sae n feel that diana is silly but now i realli understand her feeling.. i oso dunno u will be like zhihao for how long or mayb should sae u can be like zhihao for how long.. zhihao so called "be with" diana for 2-3 years.. i oso dun understand y a guy dun love tis ger but still willing to be her boyfriend.. although at times zhihao treat diana hot n cold n he sae he dun leave diana coz he sae he scare diana will do silly things.. actually sometime we realli wonders wat is in zhihao mind.. he is willing to be her boyfriend for years but he nv sae before he love diana n he nv even think of getting himself a girlfriend that he love n y he willing to let diana to stay at his side.. sometime feel zhihao is cold-hearted but sometime feel he is very noble n good to diana at times n treat her very good but is once in awhile.. haiz.. sometime feel diana is silly but it seems that actually i'm even more silly than diana.. i oso dunno u willing to give in to mi till when coz u also sae u dunno u willing to "be with" mi till when.. mayb just a few days a few weeks a few months a few years.. i dunno.. or mayb until i graduated or mayb soon u'll get tired le.. sometime ppl r just selfish.. who will wanna be a person he/she dun love n stuck with him/her for years? if is u.. u will rather spend the number of days n years to find someone that u love rite.. so wat is on zhihao mind? he is not selfish? or he is just trying to be a good man? or maybe he is a bad man coz he is making diana going deeper n deeper? i oso dunno.. diana sae she used the months that she went to States to try to let go of zhihao.. she take those months as a test for herself n zhihao.. haiz.. how mani months then i need to try to let go of him..? but i realli dun understand a guy who dun love a ger is willing to be with her for years n nv think of leaving her but still care for her at times n be with her n stay at her side for so long.. has it become a habit that she is by ur side or is just that ur right "her" haben come by so u just stay with her? or u slowly understand her n feel her importance n missed the good times that u 2 used to have?n u realise how much she did for u she changed for u n sacrifice for u n realli make u realise her good n wan her back n dun leave her anymore not bcoz scare she do silly things but is bcoz u start to like her and u believe u can slowly start to love her..? but i think for our case.. u will nv rmb or miss our good times n my good point which can make u love mi n start over again but i guess u'll onli rmb my bad points.. haiz.. treat it as a responsibility coz u love her not bcoz of anything else.. haiz.. i guess LOVE is just something that nobody will understand it fully..

DUNNO got anyone realise i blogged something regarding "RESPONSIBILITY" not long ago.. guess at that point of time.. the word "responsibility" does not from the bottom of ur heart which u realli mean it but is to make urself feel better n at that point of time u did not even love mi le so tis responsibility is sae which make mi fell even deeper n believe u love mi but it was a lie.. from the point u sae that u already dun wan tis responsibility le..
"Responsibility is not bcoz of something happen then you take it. u take responsibility bcoz you love the person, want to take care & protect the person from any harm. Responsibility isn't a simple word. Responsibility involves lots of commitments and lots of scarification.
Are you ready for Responsibility & willing to take the Responsibility bcoz you love me? "
guess u nv realise how much it means n wat did responsibility realli mean when u sae that.. guess u nv realise u read tis sentence from my blog or u nv read tis entry ba.. u love her n treat it as a responsibility to be her is coz u love her is not treat love her as a responsibility.. guess now u r treating it as a responsibility to care for mi coz u dun wanna mi to do silly things n u'll destroy my future.. sometime i realli wonder u msg mi to ask mi how haf i been is bcoz u still care for mi or just treat is as a responsibility.. u still be with mi coz u treat it as ur responsibility to make mi complete my studies n wan mi to live safety not bcoz of anything else.. u took all these responsibility is not bcoz u love mi but is coz u dun wanna destroy someone future.. how long can u take up n willing to take up tis responsibility.. wat does responsibility means to every1.. wun u feel very tired with all tis responsibility? actually u can let go of all tis responsibility just like the way u let go of everything.. isn't it better for u.. u dun haf to take up any responsibility abt mi coz i'm not ur lover anymore.. from the start u take up responsibility is bcoz u love mi n wanna protect mi n be with mi.. so now.. u can just let go of all these the same way as u let go of mi.. take the responsibility onli when u love mi ba.. it will be more fair to mi n u ba.. dun take up tis responsibility unless u love mi.. dun take tis responsibility until u love mi again.. is better for u.. ur life will be better and happie n more relax without all tis responsibility.. sometime i do wonder what is ur reaction n expression when u see my name in ur email or when see my name or number appear on ur fone.. will u hope that i dun email u or call u n i dun exist in this world.. will u hope that u can dun ans or see my sms.. or mayb should sae u regretted knowing mi n be with mi.. u always sae u r glad that u broke up with mi.. actually u still care for mi is coz of responsibility n want mi to study well.. actually u can rest le la.. get a rest from mi ba.. u haf been very xin ku a year plus le haf been ren-ing mi for so long le.. get a rest ba.. i guess u r realli very tired le.. bcoz u r tired tt y u choose to let go le.. so take a rest away from mi ba.. if not sooner or later u will be very very tired with mi n tis 'relationship' n will collapse de.. i already collapsed once hope u wun.. take care ba..

grevin sae tis is wat will happen when a ger fall too deep in love with a guy.. the ger wun mind that the guy dun love her but as long as she love the guy n be with him that is enough le.. haha.. dunno y grevin oso sigh when sae abt tis.. haha.. guess not onli ger will be hurt in a relationship.. guy can also be deeply hurt.. but the one who will get hurt n suffer the most is the one who cant let go n fall in too deep.. the one who can get himself/herself out of it will feel better.. moral of the story : "dun fall in too deep in love" but then.. tis kind of thing can control de mehz.. love is love.. u wun noe how much n how deep u love that person until something happened or when he/she is not by ur side n you miss him/her deeply n how much u wanna be with him/her n stay by their side to accompany them thru' everything.. but then.. once again.. love cant be controlled.. cant control u to love a person.. cant control u not to love a person.. so wat.. best is dun have LOVE from the start !! haiz..

i'm growing up.. still growing.. but y is tis silly ger in mi growing oso.. guess every1 haf a silly part in them.. but it wun stop ones from growing up.. is good to be silly at times.. is good to haf dreams even though u noe sometime ur dreams nv come true but u r growing up from that dream.. n u r moving forward hoping to get ur dream come true. why m i still changing? guess i realli changed alot le.. my temper changed.. i dun blow up anymore.. not at all le.. i can listen to one even if i wanna stop one from talking but i will still let them carry on.. is tis a sign of mi growing up n becoming more mature? haha.. i oso dunno.. but i myself feel the changes in mi.. learn how to hold my emotions how to hide my emotions.. learn not to affect others mood even though u can b very sad.. but y m i chaning still? y m i changing at tis point of time..? haha.. but think the old mi isn't there le.. still growing up but still cant be the yenwei which realli laughing from the bottom of her heart or mayb is hurt too deep le.. i'm now the yenwei who can cheer ppl up.. who can make lame jokes to make others laugh.. i'm the yenwei who will onli let others noe i'm happie.. others wun noe i'm sad.. coz that sad or no mood de yenwei will hide herself.. i believe that if i'm in bad mood or no mood or even i'm sad.. i can affect others de mood oso.. y go n make another person sad or no mood when onli 1 sad is better than 2 sad.. mayb last time de yenwei wil be back.. but dunno when.. but then now de yenwei oso not bad wat.. no temper.. willing to listen.. understanding.. think for others.. n wun sae bad things or unsensible things that will make one not happy.. haha.. but then that might not be her true self.. or mayb that soon will become her le.. i'm not the old yenwei le.. mayb not the one who will laugh frm the bottom of her heart but no1 will realise tis de.. =) hmm.. ok.. enough craps le.. jiayou ba.. if u feel that u r changing to be the better than just stay tis way.. tis way others ard u will be happier n will not wry for u.. isn't it good.. at least i'm oso not angry abt myself.. i'm oso surprised with myself.. wat wrong with mi lehz? haha.. oso dunno..

ANYWAY.. HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY tO bERNICE TAN !!! enjoy urself n take care..


6 days to revision week. 15 days to 1st exam paper. 25 days to last exam paper.
28 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...

有答案的问题

继续和一个只因为你的学业而跟你在一起的人在一起对吗？
继续和一个因为要你好好读书，不要你放弃学业的人才跟你在一起的人对吗？
跟一个已经不再爱你的男人在一起，一个只因为要你继续好好的活下去，要你把学业搞好的人在一起好吗？
跟一个对你已经没爱意，只把你当普通朋友的人在一起好吗？
跟一个已经不会想去爱你的人在一起对吗？
跟一个对你已没感觉，一个已不会去想你的好，已不会去体会你对他的好，你对他的爱，已不会去思念你们快乐在一起的时候，已不会再尝试给你个机会，已不会再尝试爱上你，已不会再尝试和你在一起的人继续再在一起好吗？
让一个曾经深爱你的人继续和他不再爱的人在一起对吗？
让一个你深爱的人，继续忍受你，继续痛苦，你不心疼吗？
看着他因为你，而答应了你无理的要求，而跟你继续在一起，你忍心吗？
你现在已不是他的深爱，已不再是他想要在一起的对象，已不是他现在的幸福，你还不舍得让他走吗？
你还不舍得让他去寻找他想要的幸福吗？
你这样牵着他的手，他还能感觉得到你吗？
你这样牵着他，他还会感觉得到你的体温，感觉得到你的不安，感觉得到你的喜悦，感觉到你内心深处的一切吗？
你真的觉得他还会感觉得到你吗？
你觉得他还会去想保护你，呵护你，不让你受到伤害吗？
你觉得他还会牵着你的手，和你一起往幸福的方向去吗？
你觉得他还会去想你们在一起的快乐，想再一次的把它找回来吗？
你觉得他还会再给你们机会吗？
你觉得他还会想和你在一起吗？
你真的觉得你们还会有机会再续前缘吗？
你觉得他跟你在一起，他会开心，会快乐吗？
他还会感觉得到幸福吗？
他还会想和你继续在一起吗？
你觉得你们还会让彼此开心，快乐，幸福吗？
你觉得会有奇迹吗？
你觉得你们还能像以前一样吗？
你听不出来他跟你说话时，已经没有再像以前那样快乐，那样幸福，那样开心了吗？
你感觉不出来他对你的冷落？
你感觉不出来，你已不再是他想分享一切的人。
你觉得你还能让他再爱上你吗？
你觉得还有可能他会再爱上你吗？
你觉得你无谓的付出，他会体会，他会珍惜，他会想要吗？
你觉得你不在意地在他身边，他能自由，他会喜欢吗？
你觉得你选择在他身边默默地，他会感觉得到你的用意吗？
你觉得他还会被你感动吗？
他还会觉得你很重要，没有你，他会感到寂寞，会很孤单，他还会感觉到你很重要，还会希望你能陪伴在他身边和他分享他的喜怒哀乐吗？
你觉得他还会想和你在一起吗？
你觉得他还会想继续吗？
你已不是他会想拥有，会在乎的那个爱人了。

其实，这些已是有答案的问题……

为什么明明就知道，却还要让自己受伤。
人为什么就是学不懂，学不乖呢？
就是要让自己伤得很严重，伤得遍体鳞伤，还要让自己再受伤？
要学会爱惜自己， Learn to Love Yourself Before Others Come & Love You
伤了，痛了，但觉得值得，不要让自己后悔一辈子就足够了
至少学了东西，所谓 ： 经一事，长一智
每件事都会让你学到东西，学会去珍惜，学会去体会，学会控制自己的脾气，学会为别人着想，学会了人是会变的。
爱情也一样，也是会变的。
人会为某人而变，人会因为身边的事物而变，人会因为要保护自己而变，有人却因为让身边的人好过而变，有人却希望别人为他而变，有人却变得去隐藏自己


7 days to revision week. 16 days to 1st exam paper. 26 days to last exam paper.
29 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...

sian ar

作者 ： 张小娴
作品 ： 不过是一块跳板

我们都曾经以为，有些事情是不可以放手的。
我们不会放弃一个人。
我们不会离开一个人。
我们不会让一个人离开我们。
我们不会让那个不爱我们的人得到自由。
我们不会忘记。
是的，我们咬牙切齿地说： “我是不会放手的。”
其实，没有什么东西是不能放手的。
时日渐远，当你回望，你会发现，你曾经以为不可以放手的东西，只是生命里的一块跳板。
所有的哀伤、痛楚，所有不能放弃的事情，不过是生命里一个过渡，你跳过了，就可以变得更精彩。
人在跳板上，最辛苦的不是跳下来那一刻，而是跳下来之前，心里的挣扎、犹豫、无助和患得患失，根本无法向别人倾诉。我们以为跳不过去了，闭上眼睛，鼓起勇气，却跳过了。
有什么东西是不可以放手的呢？ 你倾尽所有去爱他，你以为你绝对不会放手。
当他要走，你又可以怎样？
失恋、失意，甚至失婚，以至我们在爱情里所受的苦，都不过是一块跳板，令你成长。
不要再说 “我是不会放手的”，说这句话太笨了。

http://www.white-collar.net/01-author/z/14-zhang_xx/swj/273.htm
http://www.white-collar.net/01-author/z/14-zhang_xx/swj/index.html

the above website is Li Teang intro to mi today.. realli appreciate n touched with wat she did.. yes.. the essay sound very nice.. thanks alot.. i'm realli will think through de.. u sae "u never ask mi to let go, just see wat decision is the most correct one then will not regret after u fight for that" realli thanks alot.. thanks for ur care n concern.. like what ur nick sae "越害怕失去的人，越容易失去。越想得到，就越要放手。放手是很难的，但是别无选择"... recently like alot of things is happening.. everyone is trying so hard to get hold n to let go.. guess that is life ba.. some can just let go n some just cant let go.. mayb just cant let go for the time being.. some might never let go forever.. is realli the time will tell everything.. as for mi.. i oso dunno i belong to which category.. haha.. read a few of my friends blog recently.. i just realise life isn't easy for everyone too.. life isnt for mi too.. studying is tough but working is also tough.. everyone got their difficulties n troubles.. y must i still go n add on to others troubles.. u noe u can handle stuff by urself.. happie or sad u noe u can also handle it.. there isnt the special one now to share ur happiness n sadness.. so the more u must let urself get stronger.. u dun haf to let all ur emotions out.. u will affect everyone mood.. if u r happiness u can share with ur friends n let them be happi too.. but if u r sad or moody.. just keep that emotions to urself.. u dun haf the need to shows all the emotions.. u dun wanna affect others also.. even how much u wan something or how much u hate something.. dun show it to others.. when ppl realli read ur mind n thoughts easily.. u feel like u cant even keep a secret to urself forever.. but someday someone will come to u n make u open ur heart n mind.. it can be a friend.. a close friend.. it can be a special friend.. it might be ur love ones.. someday the someone will come to u..

anyway.. exam realli coming real soon.. still got alot of assignment report n essay to chiong ar.. sian to max.. haiz.. sian sian sian..


8 days to revision week. 17 days to 1st exam paper. 27 days to last exam paper.
30 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...

原来爱情这么伤

歌手：　梁咏琪
专辑：　给自己的情歌
歌曲：　原来爱情这么伤


我睁开眼睛却感觉不到天亮
东西吃一半莫名其妙哭一场
我忍住不想时间变得更漫长
也与你有关否则又开始胡思乱想

我日月无光忙得不知所以然
找朋友交谈其实全帮不上忙
以为会习惯有你在才是习惯
你曾住在我心上现在空了一个地方
原来爱情这么伤 比想象中还难
泪水总是不听话幸福躲起来不声不响
太多道理太牵强道理全是一样
说的时候很简单爱上后却正巧打乱

我日月无光忙得不知所以然
找朋友交谈其实全帮不上忙
以为会习惯有你在才是习惯
你曾住在我心上现在空了一个地方
原来爱情这么伤 比想象中还难
泪水总是不听话幸福躲起来不声不响
太多道理太牵强道理全是一样
说的时候很简单爱上后却正巧打乱

只想变得坚强强到能够去忘
无所谓悲伤只要学会抵抗

原来爱情这么伤
原来爱情是这样这样峰回路转
泪水明明流不干瞎了眼还要再爱一趟
有一天终于打完思念的一场战
回过头再看一看
原来爱情那么伤
下次还会不会这样

tiMe wiLL dO iT pArt

偶尔还是会有心痛的感觉
难免会心痛
因为在乎，所以，心才会隐隐作痛
还在适应着
不能挽回的过去
一切已成了只能回想的美好回忆
有些东西失去了，可能就永远都找不回来了
有些会失而复得，有些能够挽回，找得回来，有些就一辈子都失去
我失去的是无法挽回的，但可能会失而复得或者会永远都失去
人就是那么无奈，只能让时间决定一切
时间会让你去想念，去思念一个人
时间会让你遗忘一个人
时间会让你更爱一个人
时间也会让你爱上另一个人
时间也会让你的爱慢慢淡化
时间会让一个人成长
时间会告诉你你要的是什么
时间会让两个人成为朋友
时间会让两个人成为情人
时间会让两个人成为陌生人
时间将会成为我们给彼此的空间
朋友，情人，陌生人，就让时间来主宰这一切
时间会证明一切
时间会告诉你事实，告诉你真相
时间会告诉你，你所想要争取的是什么
时间会告诉你值不值得
时间会告诉你，一切的风风雨雨已经过了
时间会让你成长，会让你变得更成熟
时间会让一个爱你的人，去珍惜你，去保护你，去呵护你
时间会让爱你的人和你爱的人一起同甘共苦，不离不弃
时间会让你懂得更珍惜你身边的一切
就让时间给彼此空间，去寻找答案，去寻找各自的幸福
如果还会是彼此的幸福，就让时间将两个已成长，已成熟的人再次牵手
让彼此更珍惜对方，相信这一切是得来不易的，要好好爱惜彼此
这是命运的安排，还是老天给的考验 ？
就让时间给我们答案吧

在成长中的我，再慢慢成长的我，在让自己变得更好的我，在变得更成熟的我
我就是我 ！ 在为自己的未来努力的我 ！努力奋斗 ！ 加油 ！
加油 加油 加油 ！！！


9 days to revision week. 18 days to 1st exam paper. 28 days to last exam paper.
31 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...

dUnNo wHat TitLe tO pUt.. hAhA..

...The 24th day without you by my side(since u left australia)...
没有你在身边的第 24 天


该放手时就放手
爱情不是死心塌地就会有结果 - 《美丽苯女人》
已过去的就让它成为彼此美好的回忆
是你的最终会回到你身边，那时他/它就真的是你的
学会放手，回到你身边就是属于你的
没有回来的，就已经不属于你了
爱情和幸福是要争取，但不是不肯放手
爱一个会珍惜你的人
爱一个爱你的人和你爱的人
要懂得珍惜拥有的一切
有一天你会明白的
去制造更多别的美好回忆
可能现在做朋友会比较好
虽然他是你最爱的人，但你已经不再是他深爱的人
把对他的爱给忘了，把那爱变成对朋友的爱
可能做朋友比较适合
有一天，你会遇见那个“对”的他
可能还会是现在的‘他’，也有可能是别的‘他’
就像爱朋友一样，就爱他如同朋友般
可能时间长了，你会发现你早已不爱他了
可能已变成了知心朋友
可能会变成猪朋狗友 =x
可能变成倾谈心事的好好朋友
就做朋友，不要因为放不下而失去一个很要好的朋友
不要因为一些愚蠢的理由而失去一个了解你的人
你是会想明白，会想通的
珍惜眼前人，珍惜朋友，珍惜家人，珍惜你眼前拥有的一切
你不会知道，哪一天你会失去他们，再次承受失去深爱的痛苦
不想痛苦，不想后悔，就要懂得去善待，去珍惜
别人对你的好，对你的爱，对你的付出，对你的一切，都不是理所当然，也不是应该的
亲情，友情，爱情 是需要经营，需要沟通，需要付出的

珍惜身边在乎你的人吧

10 days to revision week. 19 days to 1st exam paper. 29 days to last exam paper.
32 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...

JIAYOU ! ! !

...The 23rd day without dear dear by my side...
没有你在身边的第 23 天


slpt for onli 2+3 hrs today.. slpt at 5am in the morning then wake up at 7 plus 8 to bath then go sch for 9am lesson.. OMG.. i'm so tired.. but then when lesson ended at 2pm i'm so happy.. 1 day of lessons haf ended can go home le.. wanted to slp de but then reach home then dun feel like slping le =x haha.. then finish 1 of my result sheet which need to submit tml de.. then still got quite a number of stuff to rush finish coz most of the things deadline is next week coz next week is the last sch week before 1 week of revision week then start exam le.. OMG.. dunno y is so near le but then like still haben realli prepared yet.. wasted my 1 wk due to some personal problems n emotion problems n some mental break down n some depression blah blah blahz.. feeling better now coz noe when faster finish my work then can start revising my work le.. quite looking forward to exam coz aft that can go back home le.. realli miss singapore alot.. but then dun look forward to exam coz scare fail =x haha.. but then nvm.. my friend sae de "study motto: as long as u try ur best le then is good enough le" haha that mean mayb u nv score well but then u noe u work hard can le.. haha.. guess those come overseas study de thinking is the same =x haha..

u once sae before if i can prove to u that i did not wanna give up so easily on our relationship n i realli study hard n i realli show to u that i've grow up instead of still being the childish selfish ger.. u might think of giving us another chance.. but then u sae my result is the onli things to prove to u how much i wan this relationship n how importance is our relationship to me to make mi work hard.. but then i noe u sae it coz u wan mi to study hard.. u might not haf the meaning at all coz i noe u dun wan tis relationship le.. although i realli hope u will tell mi u realli mean it de.. but then.. i will still work hard de.. is not bcoz i wan u to love mi again but then is i wanna haf a gd degree.. could there be a bonus with mi..? i guess no ba.. or mayb "wat will happen in the future i dunno" or mayb "no.. totally no feel le" but then.. it doesn't matter to mi now whether u love mi anot.. i noe i haf to work hard.. bcoz i dun wanna disappoint ppl who put high hope on mi.. i haf to work hard coz i wanna prove to u i grow up.. i wanna work hard to let ppl to be proud of mi =x hehe.. although i keep telling myself dun treat wat u say as real but since it can motivate mi to study even harder then why not just "believe" it even though u dun have the meaning of getting back with mi at all de.. haha.. dunno.. work hard ba.. jiayou !! GAMBATE !! choose to believe n work hard toward a imaginary dream [a dream whereby u tell mi u love mi, realise my changes & wanna be with mi n love mi] =) is good to haf dreams n work hard toward it rather than there is no dream.. haha.. my stupid theory again.. haha.. JIAYOU ! ! ! i hope someday i'll be able to touch ur heart again with the real mi the mi that had change to be better the mi that is not selfish anymore.. mayb not now mayb not in the future.. mayb never.. haiz.. but then just work hard n be happie.. other things in the future then sae.. leave it to fate to decide.. be happie now.. YEAH YEAH YEAH !!! WORK HARD !!!


11 days to revision week. 20 days to 1st exam paper. 30 days to last exam paper.
33 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...
你还会等我吗？ 你会在等我吗？？

i mAdE tHiS dEciSioN.. nO rEgRets..

...The 22nd day without dear dear by my side...
没有你在身边的第 22 天


i make the decision le.. i make the decision to be with him even though i noe he dun love mi le.. i noe i'm stubborn stupid silly watever u guys can think of mi.. i realli dun mind he dun love mi.. as long as i can be with him n i love him.. that is more than enough le.. ppl might be thinking y i so thick skin still stick to a guy when the guy dun love mi le.. i noe i'm.. but i just cant let go.. i noe he willing to be with me n gif mi the status might be bcoz he oso got no feeling le.. he is just helping mi or mayb is pity mi onli.. he just wan mi to do well in my studies n wan mi to carry on living coz he noe i will do silly things. i noe i make him very irritated n i noe i make him hate mi.. i dunno y during the last few days i realli try means n ways to make him hate mi to core so that i can hate him too.. but i just cant.. haiz.. onli he will hate mi n feel nothing abt mi except kan bu qi wo.. i cant even bring myself to hate him or dislike him.. i dunno y.. i guess i already sink in too deeply le.. i noe i drag on tis oso wun haf good ending but i just hope i can be with him.. that is enough le.. it will be more than enough le.. even if we r a couple without love but onli with status.. i dun mind.. i realli dun mind he dun love mi.. i noe 1 day he might fall for another ger i noe 1 day he will get sick n tired with this "status" thing.. i noe 1 day he will get me out of his life.. i noe.. i noe how much he wan mi to disappear from his life.. i noe.. i realli noe.... but just let mi be with him.. as long as i love him i'm with him.. that is enough le.. i dun wan anything more n i dun hope n i wun get anything more le.. but is enough to mi le.. as long as i can spent my days with him.. as long as he treat mi as a "gf" n meet mi n talk to mi even as a friend.. that is enough le.. i dun mind loving a guy which dun love mi.. it realli doesn't matter.. i'm not a ger that onli need love from u.. i realli love u as u not bcoz u love mi or i wan ur love that y i love u.. i dunno tis will drag for how long.. i noe u will hate mi for life.. i noe u realli disappointed in mi.. i noe u will nv love mi ever again.. i noe.. but it doesnt matter to mi le.. i sorry that i hurt u but can u just let mi be at ur side.. i dun mind just meet u once in awhile then sms abit.. i dun mind how u treat mi.. even u dun hold my hand even u dun hug mi even u dun kiss mi or even u dun love mi.. it realli doesn't matter.. i just wanna be with u.. that is enough le.. just let mi love u can le.. i guess u realli hate mi for my selfish-ness but realli thank you for my unreasonable request.. i realli nv regret making this choice.. i realli nv.. mayb many of u r thinking that i just cant let go i just lost my mind or i getting depression that y i make tis decision n i will regret de.. but for now i can onli sae i nv regret.. i dun wanna go n think of wat others say le.. zhi yao wo neng zai ni sheng bian ai ni na jiu gou le.. ni bu xu yao ai wo.. wo ai ni jiu zu gou le.. i dunno will u regret to agree to my request.. i duno is it bcoz u realli feel nth that y whether the status is there or not is no different to u.. i dunno will u realli let us be this way till when or mayb once i complete my studies u will leave mi le but i realli dun mind just love u onli.. i realli dun mind i be ur gf that onli i love u.. i realli dun mind.. i dunno wat wrong with mi but i realli love u alot alot..

dun scold him or blame him.. he nv did anything wrong is i ask him to patch with mi de.. i request for it de.. i tell him i just hope we can be a couple.. i noe ppl will hate mi for sticking to him n dun let him go.. i noe.. i noe when i return to sg alot of ppl will look down on mi.. alot of his friends will treat mi like y i so thick skin n stick to him.. alot of ppl will sae i realli hopeless le.. haiz.. i dunno n i dun wanna care abt tis.. i realli love him.. that all..


12 days to revision week. 21 days to 1st exam paper. 31 days to last exam paper.
34 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...
你还会等我吗？ 你会在等我吗？？

stupid & silly.. i noe i'm..

...The 21st day without dear dear by my side...
没有你在身边的第 21 天
分手的第 6 天


i guess i'm just stupid n silly ba.. i dunno.. i noe wat i wan but i noe it will never happen again.. i noe i love u i should haf let u go.. i'm trying.. trying very hard for this few days.. this few days haf been my most terrible days in my life.. i think is realli when u got happiness then when u lost it.. u will feel the pain more than ever.. i noe nothing will happen in the future.. i realli trying to make u hate mi so that i can let myself hate u but i realise i cant.. the love is always taking control.. i noe i haf to let go.. i noe i need to grow up n get out of this.. i'm trying.. i'm realli is.. i will let it be a good memories instead of letting mi suffer.. i need times.. i noe i can let go of u 1 day de.. i noe i can.. but is just cant for now..

my heart will realli ache when i think of us. even though how much i hope we can start all over again, u already dun love mi le. my heart realli ache.. the feeling is realli very painful. aching feeling is so terrible. Love actually hurt when things dun turn out the way u wan. but Love can be sweet when things is going the way u wan.. when there is no love.. then u wun feel hurt coz u nv feel the sweetness from the start. but already love le then will feel the hurt.. none of us wan this ending de.. if things can start all over again.. i wun let tis happen but there is no chance to start all over again le.. haiz.. i'm a silly ger.. silly silly.. guess love make one blind.. make one silly.. but 1 day the person will wake up from the dream.. waiting for the day to come ba.. i still live in my dream being a silly ger.. i dun mind u dun love i dun mind it at all.. as long as i can stay by ur side as long as i love u.. that is enough le.. i noe i sound silly.. i guess i'm just silly ba.. haiz.. wait for the day i wake up totally from this dream..

如果爱一个人要问值不值得... 那... 就不是爱一个人了....

erase all the bad memories.. wat left will be all the good memories that we share.. good n bad memories stay but dun think abt the bad ones.. think of the good time that u share with ur another half.. that will make u feel better n feel her importance.. that is wat one of my friend tell mi.. dunno how true it can it.. but hope ppl r left with good memories instead of always thinking of the bad side.. soon.. u will think thru' n sort out ur thoughts.. mayb is true mayb is not true for some ppl.. once hurt once disppointed once dishearted.. they can nv think of the good times coz onli the bad time will stay.. dunno.. dun wanna think so much oso..


13 days to revision week. 22 days to 1st exam paper. 32 days to last exam paper.
35 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...
你还会等我吗？ 你会在等我吗？？

i miss him... i realli miss him..

...The 18th day without dear dear by my side...
没有你在身边的第 18 天
分手的第 3 天


how.. i miss him again le.. i realli miss him.. even though he hurt mi deeply but y will i still miss him.. 我真的很想你.. r u realli going to leave mi? leave mi alone by myself.. can u tell mi what u feel.. can u please tell mi.. i think u wun miss mi ba.. u will onli think of mi that u hurt mi but u wun miss mi like the past le ma? can u tell mi how u feel wat u wan.. u just push mi away.. i didn't even noe what i can do.. u just leave mi n i haf no option to choose.. i cant do anything to mend this.. u dun even give mi the choice.. i keep telling myself not to contact u even though i realli miss u.. u realli care for mi u realli love me? can u tell mi what u thinking what u feel? 你真的就这样放手了吗？你可以告诉我一切吗？你真的要丢下我不管我，不要我了吗？你知不知道我有多爱你，你忍心就这样放开我吗？你忍心就这样放弃，就这样结束我们的感情吗？真的没有感觉了吗？还是你知想休息一下？你能不能告诉我，不要放我一个人在这里。你说你会去认真的去考虑我们的爱情，你真的会吗？还是另一个谎言？你能不能告诉我真实的你在想什么？我真的好辛苦。

i been telling myself to study hard.. u noe it is very tough to hang on.. from the start it is very hard le.. but i hang on bcoz of alot of reasons but the main reason is u.. i dun wan to make u sacrifice for nothing.. i dun wanna bring our months of suffering to waste.. i dun wan u to be disappointed.. 不管多累多辛苦，我都在撑，我一直告诉我自己我一定要撑下去。我告诉我自己不管多累，多辛苦，多困难，多想放弃，我还是要撑下去，我们一定能熬过的。我还在努力的撑，可是我们熬不过去吗？ 我想和你分享我的成绩，我的成就，让你知道你有多重要，多有影响力，有多伟大，是个多好的男朋友。你让你的女朋友成为一个令你骄傲的人，你是她成功背后的男人，一直在他背后支持着她，是她的支柱。希望能在毕业典礼上，让你为我感到骄傲，想和你分享这一切。想和我爱的人分享一切。


everything is a lie


16 days to revision week. 25 days to 1st exam paper. 35 days to last exam paper.
38 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...
你还会等我吗？ 你会在等我吗？？

dazed..

...The 18th day without dear dear by my side...
没有你在身边的第 18 天
分手的第 3 天


Dazed...

m i too naive n think that u will call mi.. haaz.. guess so ba.. 像白痴吧？ think u will call mi n tell mi everything but i think this wun happen ba.. so i haf to make conclusion myself.. but i dun wan.. i wan u to tell mi everything.. i wanna hear from u.. i dun wan make conclusion myself..? i think u realli change mi le.. i realli cannot believe i change so much.. if is last time de mi will confirm make conclusion myself.. haiz.. change le is good or bad.. haiz... study ba.. think so much oso no use.. if he care for u u will motivate u he will tell u he care for u he love u instead of not contacting u.. if he love u he will tell u.. if not.. he wun bother with u le.. if he love u he will ask u to wait.. wait for him to be fine.. give him some time n he will be fine soon.. haiz.. dunno la.. study ba.. yenwei u must study k.. must jiayou.. exam is in less than a month.. if he love u.. he will wait for u de.. he will give u surprise he will make u laugh n smile.. if he love u.. u will be able to see him soon.. if he dun love u.. there is nothing u can do about it.. so study ba.. think on the bright side.. maybe he will appear n tell u that he sort out his thought le.. appear n tell u "i'm sorry to hurt you, please forgive mi".. if he love u he will make effort to see u when u return.. if he love u, u can sense it.. if he dun love u le.. just let go ba.. let him realise that u r important to him.. let him find out that he is realli dun love u le or he is just confused with his own thoughts.. let time solve everything n prove everything ba.. give him time to think ba.. meanwhile u study hard k.. yenwei.. jiayou.. 坚持自己的信念，这世界没有得到了某些东西就会失去一些东西的。友情和爱情是能一起拥有的。不会因为得到了了解你的好朋友而失去你所爱的人。朋友是不能替代情人，就像情人不能替代朋友一样，是两件不同的事情。有一天，属于你的他会明白也会相信这一点的。朋友和情人是能共存的，是能都一起拥有的。

16 days to revision week. 25 days to 1st exam paper. 35 days to last exam paper.
38 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...
你还会等我吗？ 你会在等我吗？？

让时间证明一切

...The 17th day without dear dear by my side...
没有你在身边的第 17 天
分手的第 2 天


日子好难过。。。 心还是会痛。。。 会很痛很痛。。。爱一个人最好的方法是让他快乐，让他走。如果他回来，那他就是你的, 他是爱你的。不然，就放他走吧。。如果他是爱你的，他会回来保护你，不会让你再受伤，不会让你再哭泣。。 时间会证明一切。。 让时间来告诉我答案吧。。 我已经让你走了。就让时间来证明你还是爱我的，你只是暂时想休息。休息是为了走更长远的路。 就让我们用这一个多月的时间去问自己到底有多爱对方，有多想和对方在一起。 时间将会告诉我们一切。如果你是爱我的，那我相信你会想和我一起。 如果你是爱我的，那么那爱也不会随着时间而减少，反而会更加思念,会更加爱我。 如果你不是爱我的，时间会让你忘记我，忘记我对你的爱。 就让时间来证明一切吧。 如果是相爱的，时间不会将我们的爱淡化，反而会更加想念，更加爱对方，更加想拥有对方，会更加想和彼此一起度过生活的点点滴滴，会想和彼此分享自己的喜怒哀乐。 如果不是，时间会让彼此忘记彼此。 你说你还是很爱我的，只是想休息。那就让时间证明一切吧。 如果爱我的话，那再多久， 一个月，两个月，几个月，那爱也不会变。 就让时间证明你是很爱我的这一点吧。如果你是爱我的，你就会回到我身边，不会再离去。

actually realli hope can get updates from u like how u play in ur bball ar.. how is ur studies going on.. realli hope will get ur sms or calls.. but it seems like cant le ba.. last time u always tell mi coz i'm ur girlfriend n i'm in overseas so i can keep up with ur life.. now like there isn't a need for u to tell mi everything to keep mi update with ur life.. when i return to singapore everything abt u will be like a stranger to mi coz i dunno wat happen to u.. i noe nothing abt u.. can 2 persons not contacting still be in love? maybe will but will be strange coz they nv noe what happened to each other over the months.. haha.. i oso dunno la.. talking rubbish le.. i dun think u can tell mi the answer oso ba.. i should believe wat u say? u sae that u still love mi alot but u need some break.. but u oso sae u got no feeling toward mi le.. u feel very sian very pek chek with mi.. so u love mi but no feeling? which one to believe.. or u just saying u love mi to make mi feel better.. do u mean it? but when i ask u whether u got feeling toward mi u sae dun haf.. which one is the real u.. which is real..? how can a person love someone but no feeling? or how can a person is sian with another person still love her? i dunno.. i dunno which is which.. i realli dunno.. u bluff mi for 2 week le.. how can i believe wat u say u mean it n not to bluff mi.. u already act for 2 week that u love mi.. but u tell mi u still love mi.. it is truth or just another lie.. u r so contradicting.. can u tell mi what is ur actual feeling.. the real feeling that u feel. stop lying to mi.. stop acting but just be the true u.. can i noe which one is u.. please tell mi which is the real you.. 我想听你告诉我你对我的感觉，你到底是爱我的吗？ 我想听你告诉我，你对我们的感情的态度，你只是想休息，想喘口气，等我回去再说，还是你已经完全放弃了,不会想和我在一起了。 我想听你说真心话，我想你告诉我你到底在想什么。 你只是想暂时的分开，让彼此去想想，让彼此喘口气，还是彻底的分开，已经没有感情了。 可以告诉我你在想什么吗？你可以不要丢下我一个人吗？你是丢下我，只是希望我成长，只是要考验我吗？只是暂时性的吗？你能不能告诉我你到底在想什么，我想听你亲口跟我说，说的都是真心话，不要再骗我了,不要再隐瞒我了，告诉我真相，告诉我真心话。你说给彼此时间对我们比较公平，那你只是需要时间去想一想，那是爱只是想喘口气而不是没有感觉吗？ 你能告诉我吗？如果你是爱我的，你能把事情都说清楚吗？

17 days to revision week. 26 days to 1st exam paper. 36 days to last exam paper.
39 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...
你还会等我吗？ 你会在等我吗？？

nO fEeLiNg aNymOrE

...The 17th day without dear dear by my side...
没有你在身边的第 17 天
分手的第 2 天

... .... no feeling anymore... .... YENWEI 已经死了... 你的心也已经死了.. 两个星期.... 你竟然假装你还很爱我.. 你假装了两个星期，我还真的被你骗了.. 这两个星期，我还觉得是最幸福最开心的，因为我变了，变得更好。我们没有吵架，我变得会听你说，变得不会发脾气... 就连分手时，我也没有大喊大叫，也没有发脾气。 变得更好，你也没有爱我，只是装作爱我。。 我好笨好白痴，所谓当局者迷，我还真的被你迷。 迷到觉得我们的感情会更好，我们一定能度过分隔两地的痛苦，一定能有美好的未来。算了，越说越伤心，一切已成了过去。 在 2007 年 10 月 9 日，我们分手了，你选择结束我们 1 年 6 个月的爱情。你把雁薇推开了，你把她杀了。 但你没有错，是她自己造成的。 事情发生了.... 是她杀死自己的.. 以前的雁薇不会回来了..

u drink beers until u keep vomiting so u stop take beer.. i eat food n i feel like vomiting my stomach feel very pain n weird.. so can i stop eating food.. 我终于懂你有多痛苦了.. 我的头好痛.. 很痛很痛..

17 days to revision week. 26 days to 1st exam paper. 36 days to last exam paper.
39 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...
你还会等我吗？ 你会在等我吗？？ nO nEeD Le.. wUn Le.. eVeRytHiNg iS oVeR..

a NigHt & a dEcIsiOn cHaNgE mY LifE..

...The 16th day without dear dear by my side...
没有你在身边的第 16 天


i realli dunno how le.. over a night everything changed.. change without signs or maybe there is but is just that i too into it that i nv realise.. i alwayz thought we can last.. i realli thought this time will work out coz i already make up my mind my heart even my body to change.. they change for u.. change for u so that we can haf less arguement change for u so that we will work out well in the future.. future.. now it seems far far away.. i dunno should sae i'm disppointed with myself or should sae i hate myself.. i always let my emotions control mi.. i cant rmb when is the time i cry so badly n cry for so long.. i got nowhere to go except my room.. as everyone noe when u r alone u will start thinking... especially my room make mi feel very lonely.. i'm a lonely person.. i'm not like others who r in good relationship with their family.. now is not like poly life le.. my friends are working studying.. they cant be like last time talk on phone with mi when i'm sad.. now even worse.. i lose the one that i love most the one that i always put my hope onto.. the one that i noe who will support mi n push mi when i'm slacking.. but now there is no one le.. i realli left with NO ONE.. i back to the life of being alone.. n this time is totally alone.. alone without my close friends with mi.. alone without any hope.. alone in my room.. crying alone in my room.. i realli dunno how to let go n i DON'T WANNA LET GO.. u noe how deeply i LOVE you anot.. u r the 1st guy that make mi feel LOVED.. make mi LOVE someone so deeply.. i nv noe that my LOVE for u develop till so deeply.. deeper than i can control.. bcoz the LOVE is DEEP so the HURT is DEEP.. seriously speaking.. how can a ger just fall out of LOVE be normal.. be able to study well.. be able to talk.. be able to laugh n smile.. sorry i cant.. u r realli my laughter my smile my sun.. u r my onli hope.. the onli one out there to support mi.. but now u choose to leave mi.. dear.. u sae u r very tired.. u wanna take some rest.. ask mi to treat it as a cool down time.. but to u u treat it as a break.. i realli dunno what u wan.. i noe leaving mi make u feel better n feel more relax.. but what u wan from mi.. study hard? i also wan ar.. i tell shuting then she sae how can i study hard like this.. i doubt onli those who choose to break up de can study hard but those who kena stunned by that will not be able ba.. my exam is realli coming.. u realli pull mi down.. i fell very hard.. it realli hurt mi alot alot.. u noe i have been looking forward to go home coz i can see u.. i'm looking forward to christmas to be with u coz we missed our 1st christmas.. u even ask mi when i'm returning to australia then i tell u 20th feb then u sae "still can celebrate Valentine day".. but the next day u tell mi u wanna break.. graduation u will come.. everything just become a lie to make mi feel happie.. i choose to come back on 20th feb coz i realli hope we can spend our valentine day together.. y from the start u already make the decision u still wanna tell mi all this..

u noe u r my everything.. the one to push mi further.. push mi to get better result.. push mi to play better netball.. push mi to look forward to every NEW day.. u r my one n only motivation to move forward.. u r my motivation to study hard for exam then can go back singapore n be with u.. i realli thought u will wait for mi.. i realli thought this time will be different.. i realli thought u will be able to feel the differences in mi n that make u more in love with mi.. but is opposite.. bcoz of mi becoming better u decided not to lie to mi le.. u decided to do wat u wanted to do 2 week ago.. but y this 2 weeks u realli make mi feel xing fu even though we not together side by side.. u make mi realise that i can change for u de.. u make mi realise that when a person love someone he/she is willing to change for the other person just to be with the person n make the person happy.. u make mi realise all this.. u make mi changes for u.. but everything is not right.. or should i sae.. the TIME is WRONG.. i did too much things that make u hurt that watever things i do could not mend it.. i dunno how m i going to start all over again aft these 18 months.. u realli let go of mi le.. u realli let go of this 18 months of relationship.. i think i hurt u very badly to make u make such a decision.. but i can onli tell u.. i hurt u so badly.. i destroy ur life.. but it seems that a night can destroy mi thoroughly..

a night can make mi cry like nobody..
a night can make mi sit down in the room but my tear just flow..
a night realli change my whole life..
a night realli drop mi down so hard that it hurt mi damn seriously..
a night make mi from a happie n xing fu ger become a total nobody..
a decision make my heart ache.. i realli can feel the pain in the heart.. i guess is the deeper u love the more painful u feel..
a decision make mi lost all my hope my dreams my motivation..
a decision make mi lost all my direction..
a decision make mi realise how much i love u n how much i wanna be with u..
a decision make mi realise that i cant live without u..
a decision make mi realise that i'm the most lonely person.. u haf ur friends ur family but i haf nothing..
a decision make mi realise that i realli very naive to believe that i could spent my life with u..
a decision make mi realise that i'm so hopeless..
a decision make mi realise that i can onli accept the fact..
a decision make mi realise that i have to work hard (but it doesnt mean anything)
a decision changes my life totally..
a decision that tells mi i'm not a good girlfriend
a decision that tells mi i'm so selfish
a decision that tells mi that i had make u suffer alot alot..
a decision that tells mi alot alot of things..

but this decision is causing me to be sick.. is 心病.. i cant control it.. HEADACHE.. HEART ACHE.. FEEL LIKE VOMITING.. CANT GET TO SLEEP.. NEVER FEEL HUNGRY even NEVER EAT fOr 1 WHOLE dAY.. i realli dun wanna feel all this.. is realli very miserable.. i got no1 left le.. u r my everything.. the day u choose to leave mi.. i'm left with nothings.. i dun haf my family.. i dun haf my friends.. i have nothing n u have everything except 1 thing that u dun wan i.e me.. yesterday night i cannot forget.. u make mi noe that last time u patch with mi is i force u de.. u make mi noe alot of things that i dunno.. but a night realli changes my life.. i think i look sick that y michelle ask mi whether m i sick.. should i sae 心病.. where is my motivation where is my strength.. u took everything with u le.. i wanna work hard.. i want to.. but it is realli very difficult.. do u noe i realli think of doing silly things.. but i dun wan to hurt my family my friends n i dun wanna hurt u.. i dun wan bcoz of mi i make u feel worst.. 我真的很辛苦.. i realli cannot breathe le.. my heart ache is killing mi.. u always ask mi to grow up.. can my grow up dun be this kind.. i realli cannot take it le.. i realli cannot.. if i'm singapore maybe i can.. but i now in australia.. how u wan mi to deal with it.. how u wan mi to live my life.. how u wan mi to focus on my study.. with u i can focus my study but without u.. i cannot focus on anything.. break is break le.. that wat u tell mi.. then leave mi alone ba.. i cannot take it this way le.. u bring mi hopes.. u make mi wanna come australia to study.. but u took away my hope.. when i'm alone in australia.. i realli dunno how le.. i realli wanna give up but i noe i cannot.. how tough it is i also must hang on.. but what is the reason to hang on.. i have to hanging on for all 2 + 3 months is bcoz of u.. bcoz of u no matter how tough i oso hang on.. now.. how can i hang on..?


i realli feeling very sick now.. my headache is killing mi.. my heart ache is making it worse..

18 days to revision week. 27 days to 1st exam paper. 37 days to last exam paper.
40 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE ...
你还会等我吗？ 你会在等我吗？？

我的头好痛

...The 16th day without dear dear by my side...
没有你在身边的第 16 天


我的头好痛。。 我的心好痛。。 我不想 stay in this world.. 我不想起来。。 每当我起来时，我又回到了这个我不喜欢的世界。。 我是哭到睡着的。。 我的头好痛好痛。。 你为什么这样狠心。。 你就丢我一个人在这里。。 你为什么当初告诉我你在给我机会，我好好的把握了这个机会，我为你改变，但你却选择了在这个时候放弃我。。 为什么。。 你就这样忍心的。。 为什么明明就还爱着对方，却要选择分开。。我很不想再 bLog 了。。 我很不想再跟任何人联络，我很不想再跟任何人说话了。。 每一分每一秒，我的心都在流血。 我的心很痛。。 很痛。。 为什么我要怕你难受，所以，我不可以做伤害自己的事。。 为什么，我还要想到你。。 为什么我要怕你难做人，我为什么都要为你想。。 你有想过，我要怎样过吗？ 为什么明明就相爱，明明有感觉，有感情，却要分离。。 我的头好痛。。 我不知道我的日子要怎么过了。。 我的梦想，我的理想，都没有了。。 都是因为你才有的。。 我的头真的好痛。。


18 days to revision week. 27 days to 1st exam paper. 37 days to last exam paper.
40 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE !!!
你还会等我吗？ 你会在等我吗？？

我该怎么办 ? ? ?

...The 16th day without dear dear by my side...
没有你在身边的第 16 天


i'm not ur dear dear le.. i'm so lost now.. just now promise u i'll work hard i will study hard.. but when i get into my room.. i started crying again.. i feel so lost now.. 我没有了方向.. i dunno wat to do..i realli wanna study hard but.. i realli feel very xin ku.. i dunno wat to do le.. i realli feel like vomitting now.. my heart is aching.. 我的心真的好痛.. 我不能呼吸... 有没有人可以救我 ? ? 我真的很辛苦... 我真的真的很辛苦.. ... 我不能睡... 我睡不着... 救我... 我的心真的好痛好痛.. 我要怎么办?? 我真的要崩溃了.. 我的头脑根本不听话.. 我的心在流血.. 真的很痛..

我想睡觉但是我睡不着... 我又要过这种睡不着觉的生活.. 那时候和现在的情况是一样的.. 但是现在我一个人在国外.. 我不知道要怎么办了.. 我真的很彷徨，很无助.. 我当然希望我们会像上次一样和好，我就不需要过这种生活.. 但是，是不可能的.. 我不知道我接下来的日子要怎么过。。 我没有 shuting 我没有 meijie, mari, diana... 我该怎么办。。 我真的很辛苦。。 可是，我知道分手能让你好过。。 我不能这么自私，让你痛苦。。 让我自己痛苦吧。。 我真的让你痛苦很久了。。 对不起。。 真的很抱歉。。 对不起。。 让我承受吧。。 我不知道我可以熬到几时，但是，我会承受这种痛苦因为我不想再连累你了。。 你已经够参了。。 可是，我的心还是很痛。。 一阵一阵的痛。。 真的很痛。。 真的很辛苦。。 谁可以教教我怎么办？？ 我的眼泪不停地流。。 教教我。。 我真的很辛苦，真的很痛苦。。 可是，我痛苦好过让你痛苦。。 教我。。 有人教我。。 我以为我能很坚强，可是我的泪一直不停地流。。 我真的很辛苦。。我要怎么撑下去。。 我真的很痛苦。。 我很辛苦。。没有人了，只剩我一个。。 没有人可以帮我了。。 我就一个人在这里彷徨。。 我的朋友都在新加坡。。 我该这么办。。 我的眼泪不受控制的一直在流。。 现在只有我。。 我没有人可以说了。。 我不想说。。 说了我有会哭。。 不说的话把它憋在心里，久了一定会憋出病来。。 我不想说话了。。 不想和任何人说话，让我一个人吧，让我一个人静一静，我不知道这样会不会憋出忧郁症。。 我想应该不会吧。。 反正现在只有我自己，让我关在房间里。。 我很想很想读书，但是我的眼泪一直流。。 我不知道我挨不挨得下去。。 我真的不知道了。。 我不知道我什么时候会倒下去。。 倒了也没有人来扶我。。 没有人。。 我只有我自己了。。我真的不懂要怎样继续下去。。 我真的不懂。。


18 days to revision week. 27 days to 1st exam paper. 37 days to last exam paper.
40 days to bAcK tO SiNgApOrE !!!
你还会等我吗？ 你会在等我吗？？